Some of you are going to read this and think, “Paul’s kind of slow, but he may be getting it”. Be nice to me!
Last Saturday I asked the men on The Generous Husband blog, What If Women Are Very Sexual?
I once read that when married English knights went out to battle they put their wives in chastity belts. The French knights gave their wives dildoes. I don’t know if this is true or not, but it does paint an interesting picture. Both groups of husbands acknowledged their wives were strongly sexual. (This was the norm in the middle ages: women were seen to want sex more and enjoy it more than men, and were often considered insatiable.) The English reacted with fear driven repression while the French embraced and encouraged a healthy enjoyment of sex for their wives while they were absent. Imagine which group of women was eager to be sexual with their hubby upon his return!
I am increasingly convinced God gave women a strong sex drive. It’s not the same as men’s drive, being as much about thoughts and feelings as physical urges, but it’s powerful all the same. I also think God built women to enjoy sex far more than any man ever could. Consider the fact half a dozen climaxes in a day is beyond most men over the age of 16 while women can theoretically have dozens upon dozens or orgasms a day, and potentially do so with only seconds or minutes between one and the next. Then there’s the fact female orgasms last longer than the average male version. How about the women who can climax just from fantasy with no physical stimulation.
If God made women so sexual, why is it not what most of us experience? I think it’s because all of us, male and female, have bought into a big pack of lies about female sexuality.
If you doubt lies could change a person’s sexual experience, let me tell you about a male sex problem called inhibited ejaculation. Men suffering from this condition find it difficult or impossible to reach climax in certain situations. Masturbating alone they do fine, but they can do an hour of intercourse and not get there. In the worst cases he can’t masturbate to orgasm if his wife is in the room – even if she’s on the other side of the room and the lights are out. His body works fine, but his brain makes it impossible for him to function in certain situations. Other men suffer from situational erectile dysfunction. Our brains have a powerful effect on our sexual function, so what we believe can change, cripple, or destroy desire and enjoyment.
God made sex a wonderful gift full of great blessing. The enemy hates good things, so he has worked overtime to mess up our sexuality. Unfortunately, Christians have often agreed with Satan, meaning those who follow Jesus get two sets of sex lies; one from the world and one from the church.
Considering all this, it seems clear to me neither you nor your husband is experiencing sex as God intended. You have both been bound and crippled by lies, limiting your ability to enjoy each other as you should.
All of this is to urge you to challenge what you think about female sexuality. Then challenge what your husband thinks about it. If you have children, think and pray hard about what to teach them so they don’t walk into marriage full of lies about sex.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’m really mad about all the lies!
This week’s survey is on faking orgasm.