As we travelled around, we asked folks what they saw as the big marriage problems among their friends and family. One thing was mentioned by a majority, and usually at or near the top of the list:
Couples Are Too Busy
Relationships take time, and there’s no substitute for it. Most couples spend a lot of time together when they’re dating and first married, then their lives start to fill up and they spend less and less time together. And when they’re together they really aren’t, like the couple above. At first, this seems okay because they coast on the time they spent together in the past. But that only works for a short time.
The sad thing is so many of us fail to see the problems a lack of time together is causing. We experience the problems, but we blame something else. (All too often we blame the problems on our spouse!) If efforts are made to deal with the issues they fail because we’ve not addressed the real problem, the lack of time together.
If you don’t spend enough time together, intimacy falls apart. When I say intimacy I don’t just mean sex, I mean all forms of intimacy. You stop knowing each other, and you stop seeing each other as special. This makes any other issues worse, so even if busyness isn’t the root of a problem it makes the problem worse.
If you want a good marriage you must spend significant time together. If you choose not to spend time together you’ve decided your marriage isn’t as important as all the things on which you do spend your time.
~ Paul – I’m XY and I honour my wife with my time.
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