So this is supposed to be the post that tells sex-starved women how to get their husband to have more sex. Pray for me ladies!
You do have an advantage over men in the reverse situation. Aside from significant hormonal or emotional issues, most men can be aroused even if they don’t want to be. Some will react to that with anger, but many will allow it to go to its logical conclusion.
The woman in the picture is doing it right. No hints, no asking, she’s just going for it. Of course, you have to choose your time well if you want positive results. Making him horny when he’s too tired to want to have sex is just rude. Likewise for when he’s in the middle of something he can’t or doesn’t want to interrupt. As I said last week, morning is your best bet hormonally because his testosterone is at it’s highest. Make moves on him every Saturday morning, or whatever morning he’s not working. Make him erect or find him erect and suggest you do something with/about it.
Another key here is small steps. Be in this for the long haul. Getting him to enjoy sex is a good way to increase the odds of him being willing to have sex. This can create a tricky balance between making it good for him and getting what you want and need. Giving him oral to climax is all well and good for him, but if he figures that’s it and leaves you high and dry that’s a problem. Some degree of frustration for you as a part of getting him more into sex might be wise, but you don’t want to turn him into a selfish lover either.
One option here is to take care of yourself – with him there. Most men find this very arousing, so it could be part of the sex act. Get him going, then switch to yourself, then finish him. I know it’s not what you want, but if it helps him move in the right direction it could be a good plan for a season. After doing that a few times ask him to lend a hand when you turn to yourself.
Another good plan is to take the reins during intercourse. BE.ON.TOP. Most men enjoy this for a variety of reasons. It’s less work for them and most men last longer this way. What’s more, if you’re naked and the lights are on the view is nice. This is also the best way for most women to climax. (Hint: Don’t move up and down on his penis, move against his body, stimulating yourself on the shaft and/or his pubic bone. This is better for you and will slow him down.)
Speaking of nudity, the vast majority of men like seeing their wife nude. This is true no matter how many kids she’s had, how much weight she’s put on, how many wrinkles she has, and on and on. Yes, I know you think your husband is the exception. The thing is most women think their husband is the exception and the majority can’t be the exception. Yes, I know he said something you took as he doesn’t like how you look or you don’t turn him on. The vast majority of the time when this is voiced the man either has no recollection of saying it or he wonders how his wife got what she thinks from what he actually said. Unless he has told you, in just so many words, to stay covered up during sex, you can assume he enjoys your naked body.
I said last week not to make assumptions about erections. However, if you do something that causes him an erection, you can safely assume you have aroused him at least somewhat. He may deny this to himself, and thus to you, but you’ve had an effect. If he’s desperate to avoid sex for some reason (control is a big one) causing him an erection may make him mad. If this happens regularly you know the problem is not about his sex drive or your ability to arouse him. Odds are it’s about some internal fear or shame and has little or nothing to do with you.
Making sex feel really good for him improves your odds of having sex more often. A woman with a bit of skill can make a man feel far better than he can ever make himself feel. One way to make him feel great is to draw sex out. The longer he’s highly aroused the better his climax feels. Getting really close a few times before finishing is something most men enjoy greatly. This is why my do him, stop and do yourself, and then finish him advice at the top of this post can work well. There are a few possible reasons a man can’t enjoying this:
- He might be tired or in a hurry. (Solution: Pick your time well.)
- He might be a control freak. (Solution: Give him control. Say “You’re getting close, should I finish or prolong it?)
- He might have taught himself bad habits during masturbation. (Solution: Ask him if you can drag it out because you’re curious.)
When you do have sex, avoid any kind of negative post sex interactions. Sometimes sexually refused folks hold back on problems or frustrations out of fear it will reduce the chances of having sex. Then with sex accomplished they dump whatever. It might be right after sex or the next day, but if it’s a consistent habit he will become aware of it at least subconsciously. If sex means getting dumped on soon it’s one more reason to avoid sex.
Finally, a few words on masturbation. Lori and I can find nothing in the Bible about this, and we don’t feel qualified to call it wrong if God didn’t. Of course, porn and sinful fantasies are wrong, but those are sin apart from masturbation. If it keeps you from working to have sex with your hubby it’s a problem, but if it keeps you from hating him or chewing on the furniture it can be a good thing. If you find it necessary, I suggest you tell him you do it, while thinking of him, but would much rather have sex with him. Ask him if he wants the right of first refusal. You never know what might happen if you say, “I’m going to go have an orgasm, I’d like you to be involved or come watch.”
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I pray you get more sex!
Related Article: How to Turn On A Sexually Indifferent Husband | The Marriage Bed – This is an article Lori and I wrote about this situation. It goes into far more detail. You will know much of it won’t work with your husband, but all you have to do is find a few things that will work.