In his Love and Respect Live Marriage Conference DVDs, Emerson Eggerichs says of women, “She confronts to connect.”
The first time I heard that I wanted to turn to my dear wife and say “Why would anyone think that’s a good idea?” Men see this as just plain crazy because for us confrontation is a fight or flight situation. We fight to win or fight till we’re proven wrong. Or, we leave – which can be physically leaving or just tuning out.
For men, confrontation sends one clear message: I’m right, you’re wrong, and you better agree with me. When our wife confronts us we see no good option. We don’t understand our wife is looking to connect with us. We don’t understand she’s motivated by the hurt she feels over a lack of intimacy. We process her actions with our male minds. How we choose to respond isn’t going to be what she wants and odds are it’s going to make matters worse.
Do you confront to connect? If so, how can you communicate your desire to connect in a way he won’t see as adversarial?
~ Paul – I’m XY, and sometimes women totally baffle me.