I don’t hear it anymore, but when I was growing up “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” was a common phrase.
The phrase originated in the 1800’s, a time when men didn’t cook and eating out was rather costly compared to eating at home. So yeah, a good home cooked meal was a treat for a single guy living on his own. But even with that in mind, I never thought the statement showed a good grasp of male geography. Maybe the way to a man’s heart is through his zipper!
Now wait, hear me out. I’m certainly not suggesting this as a way to acquire a husband, but once you’re married sex is an important part of a man’s relationship with his wife. Sex is the key to his heart. For men, sex is a major component of intimacy. Not the only part, but a large enough part he can’t feel intimate without it. Some women can feel close, loving and intimate without sex (and some can’t) but it’s exceptionally rare to find a man who is this way. What’s more, I’m sure most men are this way because it’s how God wired us.
Again, this doesn’t mean sex is all he wants from you, and it certainly doesn’t mean sex is all he needs to feel intimate. I’ve talked with men who started getting all the sex they wanted after years of limited sex. At first, they think everything is perfect. They act like a kid with an as-much-as-you-want-to-take pass to a toy store. But slowly, as their backlog of sexual hunger goes away, they find they want more. Sex is still great, and they still want it, but it’s not enough without other forms of intimacy. In fact, all the sex makes them hungry for other forms of intimacy. It takes months at the very least for this truth to float to the top of a man’s sexually fulfilled consciousness, but it’s very much the norm for it to happen.
So please, don’t misunderstand his obsession with sex. He may not see past his sex drive, but there’s more there. It’s the start, not the whole.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and food is nice, but…