A friend and I were discussing troubled marriages, and he said, “You have the marriage you want.” I see some exceptions to that, especially given our inability to change our spouse, but for the most part, I think he’s right.
You Have the Marriage You’re Willing to Have
A good marriage takes a lot of work. I happen to think the results are worth the effort, but some folks don’t seem to agree. They would really like a better marriage, but they’re unwilling to invest the time and energy it would take.
If your marriage situation never changes, you or your husband may be limiting your marriage based on a lack of will to do what it would take.
You Have the Marriage You Think You Deserve
We generally have an internal idea of what we deserve. This is shaped by our life and all too often has nothing to do with what the Bible says about us. When we have better than we think we deserve we may react with fear. We think we’ll be punished for having something we don’t deserve, or we expect it to be taken from us. At best we live in fear, which means we can’t enjoy what we have. More often we sabotage what we have before we pay the price for having it. Of course, this is usually done subconsciously.
If something goes wrong every time your marriage improves or is on the verge of improving, you or your husband may be limiting your marriage based on what you think you deserve.
You Have a Least Common Denominator Marriage
Some couples only have in their marriage what both of them think is good, right, safe, or acceptable. Both have the power to veto any change or improvement. Depending on what you both want this can work okay, slightly limit your marriage, or completely cripple your relationship. When a couple lives this way there’s an unspoken agreement to have a least common denominator marriage, and any attempt to change that will be strongly opposed by the other spouse.
If your marriage seems small, you and your husband may have decided to make it small by each excluding many things.
~ Paul – I’m XY and I want to live my marriage to the max!
Last Call: We’re about to finalise our fall itinerary. If you’re in or near any of the places listed below and would like us to speak, please contact us ASAP so we can set it up. Additionally, we made out goal on the re-tire fundraiser. We will think kind thoughts of all who helped each time we walk around the rig to do our check!
Baker City, OR
Twin Falls, ID
Cedar City, UT
Las Vegas, NV
Slab City, CA
El Paso, TX