Over on Hot, Holy & Humorous in a Q&A with J post, J said one of the most common sex questions she gets from men is “Why doesn’t she believe me when I tell her she’s beautiful?“
I hear that from men all the time. Actually, what I hear is likely said with anger or sorrow. Some guys think their wife is calling them a liar (which by definition she is) while others wish she could get past her hang-ups long enough to hear his perspective.
I have some idea how much body image issues hurt women, and hurt couple’s sex lives. But this is only one side of it. When a wife refuses to believe her husband finds her attractive and sexy, she hurts him, her marriage, and their sex life.
My own beautiful wife used to say “I worry about your eyesight” when I complimented her on how she looks or told her how totally hot she is. It was a cute way of telling me she didn’t feel what I was saying, but it was still a rejection of my opinion, and frankly that’s rude.
So yeah, it would be nice if you could limit yourself to “thank you” when hubby compliments you. It would be even better if you decided he really means it and accepted it as his reality. Or, you could get totally radical and accept that you are hyper-critical about how you look because our culture has destroyed your ability to see yourself as you are and choose to let your husband define how you look because he’s less messed up about it than you are.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and my wife is so totally hot!