Why Endless or Trivial Arguments Are Trouble

September 21, 2016

in Uncategorized

It seems some couples are forever arguing about things that just don’t matter.

Why Endless or Trivial Arguments Are Trouble

Usually, these folks aren’t actually arguing about what it seems they’re arguing about. Endless trivial arguments are usually a proxy for something else. It might be something they’re afraid of discussing, or it could be something that has supposedly been settled. It can be a way of complaining about not being happy, or not feeling heard, or just a general sense of the marriage not being right. Sometimes it’s really just a cry for attention.

Minor arguments are like a fever – if they come and go it’s nothing to worry about. If it’s an ongoing issue it’s a symptom of a bigger problem. If you and your hubby seem to spend far too much time arguing about stuff that doesn’t matter, ask yourself why and dig for the truth. 

~ Paul – I’m XY and I’ve gotten over arguing for the “fun” of it.

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Andrew Budek-Schmeisser September 21, 2016 at 3:42 am

One thing that I have learned about women is that arguing about what seems trivial IS important, and as long as it’s going on it’s both a red flag and a sign of hope.

When a lady gives up and gives in, she’s also disconnected, and it’s hard or impossible for her to care about that aspect of the marriage any more.

Andrew Budek-Schmeisser recently posted…Your Dying Spouse 209 – FlickeringMy Profile


Paul Byerly September 21, 2016 at 11:31 am

@Andrew – Very wise! Too often men see her not bring things up anymore as an indication it’s no longer a problem.
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libl September 22, 2016 at 11:54 am

That’s true. My husband complains about my silence but is angry and defensive when I speak. It is a lose-lose situation.

HOWEVER, I have been meditating on this for quite some time. It would be nice if he would hear me in my emotional woman-speak, but he does not. He hears his mother, he hears manipulation, he hears through affected ears. So, how can I speak?

Like a man.

“Dude, that sarcasm was uncalled for. Knock it off.”

“You are crossing a line there. You gotta stop.”

“Kiddo mouthed off bad to me today.”

“Just call or text me so I know you’re not dead in a ditch or in jail.”

He is a man’s man and most of his life was spent with good ol’ boys and their hurting wives. Healthy women-speak he knows not. It all sounds like, “put up your walls and guns.”


Paul Byerly September 22, 2016 at 1:34 pm

@libl – I doubt it was you intent, but you made me laugh. Especially the “dead in a ditch” part. I’m sorry you have to communicate only on his terms, but I’m glad you have learned how.
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Jerry Stumpf September 21, 2016 at 1:34 pm

So why do we get defensive with those closest to us?

Most of my disagreements revolve around me being feeling as though I have to give in.
Jerry Stumpf recently posted…3 Intimate, Enchanting Components to Gently Nurture Your Marriage Bond  My Profile


Paul Byerly September 22, 2016 at 10:56 am

@Jerry Stumpf – It seems the rules are different when we deal with out spouse. Some difference would be right given the relationship, but other parts are a matter of bad habit and our past garbage showing up.
Paul Byerly recently posted…Base Your Praise on What it Cost HerMy Profile


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