Apologies should be a common thing in a marriage. But not all apologies are helpful.
Three common ways an apology can go wrong:
Blame is dangerous even if what you say is valid. If you’re completely innocent pointing to the guilty party may be okay. If you have any wrong in a matter, owning your part is necessary and pointing at others looks like trying to excuse yourself.
Defending is usually being defensive in the worst possible way, and easily moves to arguing.
Explaining can be useful – especially when we manage to do it without blaming or defending. Explaining doesn’t cover wrong, but it can be a useful follow-up to admitting wrong. Please note the “follow-up” part; starting with explaining is not apologising.
~ Paul – I’m XY and if practice helps I should be very good at apologising!