“The space between unmet expectations and reality fills with daydreams about the way it could be with another man.” ~ Kelly Smith
That quote comes from It’s Time to Break Up with Your Imaginary Boyfriend, a guest post on to Love, Honor, and Vacuum. The author points out that men and women struggle in different areas when it comes to sexual temptation. For men, the biggest struggle is what we see. For women, it’s more about her heart and thoughts. (As always there are exceptions.)
If women struggle with a “perfect” imaginary boyfriend, I would expect many to assume their husband is doing something similar.
Most men don’t have an imaginary girlfriend. Instead, they have an imaginary version of their wife. Who is this “perfected” version of the woman to whom he’s married? She’s probably not who you think.
Yes, she’s probably a bit more into sex than you are. Even more than wanting and having more sex, she’s all about enjoying sex to the fullest and letting him know she’s enjoying it. But honestly, sexual differences aren’t the biggest differences between a man’s real and imaginary wife. Much more than being an insatiable wild thing in bed, a man’s imaginary version of his wife is loving, generous, and kind. She feels respect for him and knows how to express that. She makes him feel like a man not by getting naked but by treating him like a man ALL.THE.TIME.
As for the sexual aspects, most men figure if their wife respected them the sex would work out. So when sex is a problem, the clear message is she doesn’t respect me because she doesn’t respect my needs. I realise that seems simplistic, but it’s how we tend to see it.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and my imaginary wife looks very much like the one standing next to me.