Pouting Is Neither Cute, Sexy, Nor Effective

November 16, 2016

in Uncategorized

When a two-year-old pouts, it’s cute. When a grown woman pouts, it’s not.

Pouting Is Neither Cute, Sexy, Nor Effective

Merriam Webster’s second entry for “pout” is: “to refuse to talk to people because you are angry or annoyed about something

Yes, this is a lot like Monday’s The Horrible Power of Being Offended or Wounded, but it’s more of an occasional thing rather than a way of life. It’s choosing to not engage, which is a bad plan in a relationship. 

That said, needing time to process or to calm down before you deal with something is fine. Just watch your lower lip, and your attitude.  

~ Paul – I’m XY and I was 12 before I managed a physical pout.

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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

B November 16, 2016 at 5:51 am

I don’t know. I’m not a pouter, probably because as a child it didn’t work for me, I’d just get in super big trouble.

However, my mother-in-law pouts and yells, as does my sister-in-law. They both get their way in almost every circustance (at least with their husbands). My other sister-in-law pouts for days, even retreats into her room, leaving her small kids to fend for themselves. She gets everything she wants as well. It seems like their hubbies give in to keep the peace. I don’t know what their relationships are like behind closed doors, but all three of these women seem pleased with themselves. And they get everything they want. I’ve always marveled at how much their husbands must love them, although my husband says “I don’t think it’s love”. Who knows.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to become a pouter. It seems very wrong. It’s just amazing how it seems to work for them.

So, I don’t know. Interesting post.

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Paul Byerly November 16, 2016 at 10:40 am

@B – They get what they want, but they don’t get what they need, and I doubt they are particularly happy. I would bet they are increasingly unhappy year after year.
And you husband is right, it’s not love – it’s “land for peace”. Some say they will run out of land and then it will all fall apart.
Paul Byerly recently posted…How About Amnesia For A Better Marriage?My Profile

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Libl November 16, 2016 at 11:39 am

B, I get what you mean. I wish I was a more stubborn, hard-hearted woman who got her way, sometimes. But, I know that is wrong, though, but I am sick of my grace, love, generosity, and meekness getting trampled and taken advantage of. And I am sick of when I do carefully and prayerfully speak up about an issue I get accused of being that pouty, nagging, stubborn b***h of a wife that I try so carefully not to be.

In the darned if you do or don’t situation, it is tempting to take the dark side and at least get something out of it. Satisfaction? Even for a moment? But, God did not make me to go there. He made me loyal, meek, sensitive, empathetic, and strongly aware of right and wrong and I cannot justify being a jerk of a wife.

All I can do right now is cry out, “Abba Father, step in for me. Stand against this for me. Fight for your daughter.”

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Charlie O November 17, 2016 at 5:58 am

My wife and I have a cat, and I have learned that you never win with a cat. In the end, they always get you back. Honest cat-owners understand. Pouting, etc. is a form of manipulation, and it may be immediately successful, but it causes the pouter to lose in the long run and in the ways that really matter. Women often think that men are not aware that they are being manipulated. They are! And they don’t appreciate it. Whether consciously or otherwise, he will “get” you in the end, if he so chooses. You can’t really win! If he is a spiritual man he will not be vindictive, and he will not intentionally short his wife, but pouting creates an atmosphere that destroys real communication, and a number of other good things. In spite of his best efforts, she has created a situation that makes it very difficult for him for him to give her the best things of a relationship. This is partially because the pouting wife is a contentious woman (Proverbs 21:19).

Also, pouting is both carnal and childish. If that is how a woman chooses to operate, then that is what she is.

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Paul Byerly November 17, 2016 at 9:26 am

@Charlie O – All very true. But sometimes there is another side. Is someone has no power, or feels they have no power in a relationship, manipulation can seem like the only option.

I say this as a warning. Some folks manipulate their spouse because it’s how they are (because of their family of origin), but others become manipulative because they are not given due respect and say in the relationship. It’s a wrong choice, but I certainly understand why some feel it’s their only choice.
Paul Byerly recently posted…What If We Didn’t Say The 1st Thing We Thought?My Profile

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Charlie O November 17, 2016 at 10:43 am

Paul, your answer is well-taken, and I understand the temptation. However, for the believer there are other answers. One, obviously is prayer. The second is self-examination and self-correction. Is our behavior causing some sort of negative reaction? Manipulation is the normal behavior of the weaker party. That is the reason that children use it so adroitly with their parents. The third is open communication, but pouting severely damages this. Therefore, pouting must stop. In time, perhaps, better communication can be established. Manipulation is a form of disrespect, and Ephesians 5 tells wives to reference their husbands. Dr. Laura, Debby Pearl, and others have written about the remarkable responses that wives have gotten from doing marriage in a more Scriptural way (Dr. Laura may not reference the Bible, but some her advice to wives is Scriptural). Of course, there are always the hard cases where a husband is an unmitigated jerk.

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Libl November 17, 2016 at 12:27 pm

Ugh, I threw Debi Pearl’s book in the trash. She condones feminine manipulation. She brags about manipulating her husband to wash his own oatmeal bowl and take out the trash.

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Charlie O November 19, 2016 at 1:13 pm

I guess that I should have done more research about Pearl’s book. I knew a woman that was separated from her husband, and considering that her marriage was pretty much unsalvageable. She read the book, returned to a difficult situation, and was able to make a happy marriage from it. I stand corrected.

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