Position: Get What You Need But Offer Variety

December 2, 2016

in Uncategorized

I recently posted the results of a survey we did on the importance of sex positions. Two of  the top findings were that choice of position is more important to women than men, and men are much more concerned with variety. 

Postion: Get What You Need But Offer Variety

There are basic biologic differences behind this. While men can climax in just about any position that allows them to thrust, women get decent stimulation from a much smaller set of positions. Even if a woman doesn’t climax from intercourse, some positions don’t even provide enough stimulation to keep her aroused. Secondly, his bits are tougher than your bits, and what he finds fun can leave you sore the next day. Or worse, it can lead to a UTI or a yeast infection. Let’s be honest, his pleasure isn’t worth days of burning!

I’ll be explaining these realities to the men of The Generous Husband tomorrow, and I will be suggesting to them they should give their wife cart blanc to choose the position for sex. Let her choose what won’t hurt her and what gives her the most pleasure. I’m recommending the same to you, but with one addition: be sure to give him some variety.

Virtually all men crave sexual variety, and that includes position. I don’t know why this is such a common male desire, but I think it’s a valid, healthy desire and as such should be met as well as is reasonably possible. A few thoughts to help:

  • You shouldn’t have to suffer pain for him. A bit of discomfort is okay if it’s your choice, but sex shouldn’t hurt during or after.
  • If he really likes a position that makes you sore if you do it too long, consider getting him very close by hand or mouth and then letting him finish in the problem position.
  • Lube is your friend – especially when you fit yourselves together in an unusual way. 
  • If you’ve already climaxed the amount of stimulation a position provides for you is unimportant. Additionally, your genitals will be less likely get sore. So ask him to take care of you by hand, mouth, or in some other position, then let him finish in the position of his choice.
  • If he stays firm after he climaxes, start in the position of his choice and them move to what works for you after he climaxes.
  • If you have multiples it’s possible you will be able to  have another orgasm from a position that won’t get you there for the first one.
  • If he’s horny and you’re not, invite him to do it his way for his pleasure.
  • Woman on top was the favourite position for most men, with 89% saying they love or like it. Women are less into this position, but it’s the position most likely to give a woman an orgasm. If this is not part of your sex life, consider adding it. If you feel exposed or awkward in this position tell him you will be on top if he turns out the lights.
  • Adding a vibrator can make an otherwise non-orgasmic position orgasmic for you. You can get vibrators that attach to his penis, or your vulva, or put a vibe between your bodies in face to face positions.
  • Some men think the ultimate is several positions for one sex act. Try it, and if he raves about it, do it for him every so often.

~ Paul – I’m XY and my wife gave me a yeast infection once, so I feel your pain! 

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

dawn December 2, 2016 at 4:40 am

“If you’ve already climaxed the amount of stimulation a position provides for you is unimportant. Additionally, your genitals will be less likely get sore. So ask him to take care of you by hand, mouth, or in some other position, then let him finish in the position of his choice.”

This is not necessarily a good idea. While a woman is aroused all the organs shift to allow better penetration. After we climax, our innards relax and go back to their normal positions and His Favorite Position might end up feeling annoying and uncomfortable for us.

I know that if I was on top and climaxed first I could keep on moving for a while to let my hubby have his fill. If I were on the bottom, the rare times I finished first, I could no longer keep up with him easily. Luckily it never took much longer.

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Paul Byerly December 2, 2016 at 11:52 am

@dawn – You are correct, but usually this process is fairly slow, and if sex continues it is even slower. Every women is different, but most won’t have a problem unless he really takes his time.
Paul Byerly recently posted…Friday Flashback: Just Fix the SexMy Profile

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Anonymous to spare my blushes please December 2, 2016 at 6:03 am

We pretty much always (like, 99.5% of the time) do woman on top, because for some reason it doesn’t seem to work any other way, but on days when I feel a little shy about my body, I have some very nice chemises with underwire tops and a filmy body, or a very impractical for everyday use bra. He likes that variety.

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Lynn December 2, 2016 at 6:09 am

I try to provide variety by being spontaneous, particularly as to time. My husband said something that I thought was so cute the other day: “I like waking up and not knowing if I’m going to be having sex” (that is, having sex immediately). Heh heh. After a lifetime of being a prude, I feel a certain sense of glee in being able to make my husband happy this way. And, it’s our personal, private secret.

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