Is Manipulation The Only Option Left?

February 1, 2017

in Uncategorized

Do you ever feel your husband is trying to manipulate you? 

Is Manipulation The Only Option Left?

One reason people manipulate is nothing else has worked. All the other ways of dealing with something that bothers him have failed so he resorts to manipulation. I’m not saying this makes manipulation right, but if it’s why he manipulates then you can stop it by hearing him and being willing to work on things without him manipulating.

Manipulation can also be learned behaviour. Perhaps he learned it by watching one of his parents, or he started doing it because he felt a parent or former love interest left him no choice. If you think he does it out of habit, try to identify and discuss the issue when he goes into manipulation mode. Give him a more effective way of expressing his needs and getting them met and the manipulation will stop.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I really dislike being manipulated! 

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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Tom February 1, 2017 at 5:57 am

Paul, put on your fire suit. I predict flames coming your way on this one, the way you worded it.

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Paul Byerly February 1, 2017 at 10:33 am

@Tom – My defence shall be tomorrow’s Generous Husband post.
Paul Byerly recently posted…So Crazy it Might Work: Ask What She WantsMy Profile

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Madeline12 February 1, 2017 at 10:46 pm

No matter who it is in my life, it’s usually because they refuse to accept a ‘no’. This makes me dig in my heels harder. I’m not claiming it’s right or godly. Just honesty.

The reward for manipulating me is refusal to discuss it at all until there is assurance that I actually get to give an answer – not that I will be badgered and coerced through every possible means until I am finally ground down into agreeing simply to have some peace and afterwards, resent it deeply, especially the look of triumph that accompanies it.

If I say ‘no’, I’ve considered it and decided. When my husband keeps bringing it up, it shows me that he does not respect me – and was ordering my obedience not asking me at all.

A husband should be honest enough to ask when giving a choice and issue direct orders / make demands when he really has no intention of honoring or caring what your answer is. To phrase a command like a question and then refuse to accept the answer is demeaning and insulting.

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Paul Byerly February 2, 2017 at 10:35 am

@Madeline12 – His thinking may not be as you indicate, but the behaviour is not loving and I can see how it would cause you do react as you do.
I’d suggest counseling, but I bet he is not down with that.
Paul Byerly recently posted…Are You Encouraging Her to Manipulate You?My Profile

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T February 2, 2017 at 10:57 am

Well put, Madeline! Manipulation is *always* about control. There is no room for manipulation in an egalitarian marriage. It’s not about failure to deal with what bothers you, it’s about failure to get your partner to do what you want them to do about the thing that bothers you.

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