I’ve worked a couple of jobs where thanking people for their work was a part of the culture. At one place I sometimes felt it was overdone, but it was always sincere and it sure made me feel good to be appreciated.
Being appreciated is as important to men as it is to women. We tend to play it down and act as if it’s not necessary, but it is.
When hubby does something for you, thank him. Go even further and thank him when he does things that are “his job”.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and a hug with a thank you is a nice touch!
Over on The Generous Husband my topic this year is how busyness kills marriages. We are too busy to be kind and we don’t have enough time together to really know each other.
This one is a joint problem. In most marriages, both husband and wife are far too busy to have a good marriage, much less a great one. The key to being less busy is to say “no” more often. Possibly much more often.
Just remember, when you say yes to something, you’re saying no to other things.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I want to say yes to my marriage!
Have you ever felt men are obsessed with oral sex? Does your husband beg you to do oral on him? Does he pout if you say no?
Our survey on this issue does support the idea most men are really into oral sex. Forty-two percent of men said they would like to receive oral sex more often. And, among those who don’t get it at all more than half said it was a problem for their sex life.
So what’s the big deal?
- Well, first it feels good.
- Then there’s the lie back and enjoy aspect. It makes him feel pampered and special and allows him to focus on his pleasure.
- And finally, we know some women won’t do it. If a man’s wife is willing to do this for him it makes him feel she must really care about him.
Isn’t it because of porn?
There’s no doubt oral sex features prominently in porn. But oral sex was a common thing long before porn existed. We have descriptions of oral sex in texts that are thousands of years old, and images of oral sex from long before that. Porn didn’t make oral sex popular, rather oral sex is in porn because men enjoy it so much.
But, to climax?
- Most men want oral taken to orgasm at least some of the time. However, 18% said they would like it as foreplay with orgasm happening during intercourse. And 5% of men said they enjoy oral but can’t climax that way.
- As for swallowing, only 7% found that “important”, while 5% didn’t want their wife to do it. About a third like it but don’t find it important, and almost as many do not care either way. So for most guys, climaxing in the mouth is important, but after that, it’s not really a big deal.
The vast majority of men would really like oral sex to be a regular part of sex. Not every time, and not always to climax, but more than once in a blue moon and sometimes all the way.
~ Paul – I’m XY, well, you know.
- HOW TO LOVE YOUR HUSBAND WITH ORAL SEX | Awaken Love
- Oral Sex: How To | Hot Holy & Humorous
- Oral Blessings | The Marriage Bed (by Chris “The Forgiven Wife” Taylor)
Survey: Childhood Sex Play When you were a child or young teen, did you engage in any willing sex play with other children or teens? This survey will be used for a couple of future posts, we would appreciate your anonymous responses.
“Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.'” [Genesis 2:18 ESV]
Helper is a very poor translation of what the Hebrew says in that passage. In Hebrew, it says “ezer kenegdo“. Ezer indicates a powerful rescuer, and most of its occurrences in the Old Testament refer to God. Kenegdo means “corresponding as to him”. God didn’t give Adam a weak, subservient assistant; God provided a powerful companion who rescued him from what God said was a bad situation.
While the King James’ “help meet” translation is not horrible, it’s inadequate. Then on top of that are centuries of cultural garbage. I have never wanted a wife who was what helpmeet has come to mean. What I wanted when I was single is what God gave Adam, a powerful companion who was perfectly suited for me. I didn’t need a cook, or a housekeeper, or a concubine, I needed a strong life partner. Fortunately, this is exactly what God gave me when I married my wonderful Lori.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I have no use for a helpmeet!
- As I was working on this post, my lovely ezer kenegdo made mention of a post Scott Means had just published. Give Why I’m a Megamysterian a read, it’s powerful and spot on.
- Lori has written on this issue too, and it is one of her most read posts. Check out Why I Don’t Use the Words “Help Meet”.
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I had an email from a guy who talked about how his wife had stopped complaining about something and he assumed that meant it was resolved. I suspect most of the women here know this was not what had happened. The issue was unchanged, but the wife had given up because it was clear to her that her husband wasn’t going to change.
I certainly understand getting tired of beating a horse that refuses to move (how’s that for a messed up metaphor?). The problem is men will generally see this as “I win” or “She’s changed her mind”. So just letting it go is the same thing as saying “You were right, I was wrong”. If that’s not what you want to communicate to him, then do something different.
My suggestion would be to drop it after telling him why you’re dropping it. Tell him whatever still bothers you or still seems wrong to you, but it’s clear he isn’t going to change. Explain you’re tired of going round and round about it so you are going to shut up about it. At the very least this lets him know you have not changed your mind. If he’s cleaver it will do more than that.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I made this mistake more than once
Today a few facts about male ejaculation. Since your body can’t do this (female ejaculation is different) you have no way to know these unless you’re told!
- Pre-orgasm leakage: During arousal, men produce a bit fluid that is designed to change the pH of the urethra, making it more hospitable for sperm. The amount of “pre-come” varies from man to man and from one time to another. In general, the more aroused he is, the more he will leak. If you get him flowing more than usual you’re making feel very good, but it is relative. Some men make a mess just kissing, others never see more than a drop. The amount of fluid a man releases when aroused drops with age.
There has been a lot of debate about the possibility of getting pregnant from pre-come. Most men have no semen in this fluid, and those who do have small amounts. I suspect you have a better chance of winning the lottery than getting pregnant from pre-come, but if you really don’t want to get pregnant consider it possible.
- The Warning: Ever wonder if he can tell you he’s about to climax, why he can’t stop? Blame terminology. Men tend to think of “coming” as the moment when semen leaves the penis. In reality, ejaculation starts a bit sooner than that. Ejaculatiuon is actually a two-stage process made up of emission and expulsion. During emission, the bladder is closed off and fluid from the prostate and the vas deferens are mixed together. Then contractions cause the semen to be ejected during the expulsion stage. He feels the emission stage even though there is no outward sign of it happening. And once it starts, there is no way to stop the process.
- Cut Short: Occasionally an ejaculation gets cut short. Generally, this is a result of a change in stimulation at a critical point. This results in a weak orgasm and the feeling of not ejaculating properly. It’s not horrible, but it’s a let down and it leaves him feeling a bit wrong down there. If he’s able and you’re willing, a second go will make things better. BTW, when this happens a guy who is usually one and done may be able to go again.
- Not Empty Yet: If it’s been a while since he ejaculated, one shot won’t empty his reserves. This can result in him wanting to go again in a couple of hours, or seeming hornier then next morning than he was the night before.
- Blast vs. Dribble: How far his semen shoots is to some degree a measure of how good his orgasm is; the better the orgasm, the stronger the ejaculation. However, this is very much age-related, and a drop in force of ejaculation is one of the first changes men see in their sexuality as they grow older. In addition to this, the amount of semen lesses with age.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and now you know!
I find most men are bad at chronicling what they do with their wife, or as a family. They certainly don’t write about it, and most aren’t very good at creating good photographic evidence of what goes on.
I’m pretty typical for men in this. My wife is the one who wants to have pictures of the kids, the grandkids, and all the rest of our life together. And while I’m not good about taking and gathering such pictures, I sure do enjoy seeing them.
Someone should be the family historian. If your hubby won’t do it, it falls to you.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I can show you pictures of my grandson!
When Jack was single, he always threw his sock at the laundry basket. Jack is a horrible shot, and most the socks landed on the floor where they stayed until laundry day. (The day after he had nothing clean and rewore the least dirty thing he could find.)
Then Jack married Jill (who he met on a hill while getting some water) and he kept throwing his socks at the basket, and usually missing. Jill stewed about this for a while, then had a blowout, telling Jack how rude he was, that he didn’t love her, and how she feels like his servant.
Now I’m not suggesting the situation is acceptable, and I do think Jack should get remedial sock throwing training. However, Jill is taking it personally and it’s not personal. He’s doing what he did before they were married. He is treating her the way he treated himself.
By making it personal Jill makes it a much bigger deal than it needs to be. She may also kick Jack in his pride, and that won’t get her what she wants. It would have been much better for Jill to ask Jack if he would do her a favour and make sure all of his clothes make it into the basket. If she really wanted to drive the point home should could then demonstrate by removing each piece of her clothing and dropping it in the basket.
All silliness aside, if your guy has always done something a certain way, it can’t be about you. He’s not doing it to hurt you, he’s following a long-standing habit. It’s fine to ask him to change, but making a big deal about it is counterproductive.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and sometimes a bucket of water is just a bucket of water!