Why Does ______ Turn Him On?

I ran across this image a month ago while looking for an image for another post. I saved it because it’s a great image to make a point about part of male sexuality. 

The vast majority of men see this image as something they would really like to have happen to them. Some of the more safety minded men see this as happening when the car is parked, but many would be thrilled to see it while driving.

Why Does ______ Turn Him On?

I suspect far fewer women see this image and think “I’d like to do that.” Especially in a moving car!

Men are generally risk-takers looking for adventure. Because that’s who we are, it permeates all of our being, including our sexuality. That’s why men are so much more into sex play in semi-public places. It’s why he’s more into the idea of sex on the dining room table than you are. It’s why he wants to try weird positions and it’s part of why he’s so big on oral sex (both receiving and giving). When men talk about “variety” they are in part talking about adding some adventure to sex.

So, am I suggesting you need to loosen up and try all the weird things hubby wants to do sexually? Yes and no. Given free reign, a lot of men will let the desire for sexual adventure take them places no couple should go. Adventurous sex is great, but it’s not worth getting arrested for public nudity or ending up in the emergency room trying to think of a PG explanation for one’s injury.

You can let him have sexual adventure while keeping things in the realm of sanity and safety. Engaging in what’s shown in the image in your garage might not be his first choice, but it will still thrill him. Start small and see where it takes you. Look for ways to give him what he wants without making you or the neighbours uncomfortable. He’ll thank you for it.

~ Paul – I’m XY, I know what guys think!

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Don’t Let Him Assume

Several times while Lori and I were on the road this winter, I made a rookie mistake. I assumed no reply meant yes.

Then hours or days later she wanted to discuss plans I thought were set in stone.

Don't Let Him Assume

I know better. Or at least I would have had I stopped to think about it.

Lori and I discussed this recently. I said I’d try not taking no answer as agreement, and she said she would try to say “I need more time to think about it” rather than saying nothing. We will see if we can do better.

If you and your hubby have similar confusion from time to time, talk about ways to fix it.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and when I don’t agree, I’m fast to speak up!

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Cost Benefit Ratio

I heard something the other day about how men think in terms of exchange of energy. Meaning a man considers how much energy he will put into something and how much he will get back from it. The men in the room were like “duh” while the women seemed to find this a new idea.

Cost Benefit Ratio

I’d call this calculating the cost-benefit ratio. It’s asking “Is what doing this is going to cost me worth what I will get from doing it?” And men do these calculations in their heads all the time. When the cost is more than the benefit, there’s no reason to do whatever is being considered. 

A bad cost-benefit ratio is why some men avoid date nights. If he doesn’t enjoy what she wants to do, he gets no credit for doing it, and sex is not seen as a normal ending for a date night, then why would he do it? The only reason for a man in that situation to do a date night is to temporarily end the nagging about not doing it. 

A bad cost-benefit ratio is also why some men avoid real conversation with their wife. He feels he can’t keep up, can’t win unless he yells, and most of the time his situation is worse after a conversation than it was before. So again, why do it?

The other thing to know about this is that if he loves you, making you happy is important to him. If he knows something will bless or help you, that can make it worth doing even if it costs a lot. However, women don’t tend to communicate how something will help them or make them happy. When women fail to give hubby the information he needs to calculate an accurate cost-benefit ratio, they pay the price.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I totally think this way.

 #CouplesQuestion: If you could be someone else for a week, who would you choose?

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He Masturbates For Different Reasons Than You

First, the reality is virtually all married men, and the majority of married women, masturbate. Some do it a couple of times a year, some several times a week, but most do it. 

However, why husbands and wives masturbate is not at all the same.

He Masturbates For Different Reasons Than You

Women tend to masturbate more often when they are sexually active with a partner. This is old news, we’ve known this for decades. It’s not universally true, and Christain women are more likely to try to not masturbate, but by and large, there is a positive correlation between partnered sex and female masturbation.

For men, it’s the exact opposite. The more sex they are having, the less the masturbate. They may still masturbate a good deal, but not as much as they would when they are not having sex.

Men masturbate because they are unhappy with their sex life. You might think this is about frequency, but it’s not that simple. A man who is satisfied with his sex life but having little sex will masturbate less than a man who is having more sex but it not satisfied with the sex. Basically, men use masturbation to make up for what’s missing in their sex life. That can be about frequency, but it’s more often about how they perceive the quality of their sex life.

If your husband masturbates occasionally, it means nothing about your sex life. If he does it more than that, it means he’s not satisfied with your sex life.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’m explaining, not justifying.

Possibly Related Post: 4 Things Your Husband Wants from You in Bed | Hot Holy & Humorous

Resource: Men and women masturbate for different reasons | Psychology Today

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He Does It Because It Works

I’ve been watching my son and daughter-in-love dealing with my strong-willed four-year-old grandson. Like all of us, he wants to be in control. He wants things to go his way. He has tried a number of things to get his way. Most of these have not worked for him because his parents are smart enough to know if something does work he will keep doing it. So being polite gets him results while being pretty much anything else does not.

He Does It Because It Works

The reality is adults are the same way. If a tactic gets us what we want, we will use it again. If it repeatedly fails to get us what we want, we will try something else.

Odds are your husband is this way. If something works for him, he will keep doing it. If ignoring you, or yelling, or arguing you to the ground works for him, he will keep doing it.

So, if you don’t like some way he acts, ask yourself if it’s getting him what he wants. Or, perhaps it’s not what he wants, but it is better than what he would get if he didn’t act that way. 

If you don’t like how he acts, then change how you react. When the behaviour you don’t like stops working for him, he will give it up.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and of course, women are the same way!

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