I titled this being reasonable to unreasonable people, but given we talk about marriage here it’s mostly about being reasonable when your husband is unreasonable.
Every guy is unreasonable at times (likewise for women, of course), but occasional unreasonableness is not usually a problem. The problem is when a husband acts like he’s getting paid for every unreasonable thing he can do.
The human nature response to this is to be less reasonable yourself. But while this comes naturally, it’s not the best way to go, and it’s not biblical.
“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” Rom 12:18 ESV
As I see it, that verse tells us we must be reasonable even when others are not. We’re expected to do everything possible to make things work with others, even if they’re being unreasonable. The great thing about living this way is it increases the chances the other person will be decent to us. It doesn’t guarantee anything, but all other things being equal, the nicer you are to someone the nicer they will be to you. If you respond to your husband being unreasonable by being unreasonable back, do you think that will cause him to change? If you react to his being unreasonable by being unreasonable, why would you expect him to react better?
Of course, we don’t want to do this. If feels grossly unfair. It may also feel like we’re setting ourselves up to be used, abused, or neglected. This is where boundaries come in. A boundary means THIS IS OKAY | THIS IS NOT. There is a line, a point, a behaviour, where it goes from acceptable to unacceptable. Being reasonable to unreasonable people is a lot safer when you have and hold to proper boundaries.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I have a very reasonable wife!
♥ CouplesQuestion: What are you concerned about?
Most men enjoy seeing their wife in sexy lingerie, so buying him a gift you will wear could actually be a great idea. It also means you control the size and comfort.
The images above are from Honoring Intimates, a Christian, nudity-free website that has a sale going till the 17th. I’m seeing sizes 00 to 22, and a lot of variety.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I like unwrapping my wife!
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The Marriage Bed
4641 Lyons Hill Road
Springdale, WA 99173
intended to prevent someone from feeling embarrassed or having to admit wrong
Should you practice face-saving with your husband?
I’d say that depends on how you define it. I have a problem with the last part of the definition at the top. Admitting when we’re wrong is important for marriages, and is a basic Christain duty. But what if we define saving face as making it easy for the other person to own what they did was wrong?
Try things like “I’m sure you didn’t mean it…” or “I don’t think you meant to hurt me…” or “I think this got away from you…” before telling hubby he hurt you or caused problems. A bit of grace upfront shows you’re not going to bite his head off, and that makes it far easier to accept blame and ask for forgiveness.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and no one likes being shamed!
You’re receiving a post on Tuesday because today is giving Tuesday and we need your help!
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Every year, about half of our personal income is raised during the month of December. This year we are trying to raise $10,000. So I’m asking you to take a moment and consider a donation. Nothing is too small (or too large!). It all helps and it all makes us feel heard and useful. If you set up a monthly recurring donation with the button below we will credit the full year in terms of reaching our goal. Many thanks to those of you who have given this year!
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~ Paul – I’m XY, and I really do need your help.
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A true story from friends of ours. She had to go somewhere and do something. He knew she didn’t want to do it, so he offered to go with her. She knew he didn’t want to go with her, so she declined his offer.
My advice: When your husband makes offers like this, take him up on it the vast majority of the time. Let him serve you and sacrifice for you a bit. It will actually be good for both of you!
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t willing to do it!
♥ CouplesQuestion: In what ways do you feel old? Young?
This being Black Friday, I don’t know how many of you will see this. So I’m going to post a slightly modified version of something I posted on Quora.
The original question was about how a woman could get her husband to climax by hand. I’ve heard this from other women – he enjoys it, but it takes forever to get him to come.
I’ve talked about handjobs a few times here. It’s probably on the bottom of most men’s list for sex with their wife, but done well it can be very good. And it is, or should be, easy for the wife.
You want to stimulate his penis, his mind, and his eyes. But first a word about attitude. If you come across as “I’m doing this to shut you up and it better not take long” the result for him will be barely better than if he did it himself. On the other hand, if your goal is to love and bless him and make him feel really good, he will enjoy it much more.
For a more detailed post on handjobs, check out How To Give A Handjob | The XY Code
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I hope you survive Black Friday!
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day in the USofA. So, for what are you thankful?
Gratitude is a powerful force. Sharing that you are grateful for someone certainly makes them feel good, but it also makes you feel better. In fact, expressing gratitude about anything makes you happier!
So tomorrow tell folks what you’re thankful for!
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’m so very grateful for the wonderful wife God gave me!
Recently Lori and I were talking and we realised a major problem in many marriages is one or both spouses don’t feel “compensated” for past wrongs.
By compensated, I mean having whatever made up to you. This goes beyond an apology, this is about making us feel heard and respected.
The problem is when what one expects is beyond what the other does – or what they feel is reasonable to do. Then you get resentment.
Sometimes the problem is the spouse who committed a wrong sees no need to go past “I’m sorry”. However, I think a more common issue is the wronged spouse is bent out of shape about something in their past that predates their marriage. If you’re looking for your spouse to compensate for what a parent, sibling, friend, or former lover did, you have a problem!
Might this be a problem in your marriage, on your part or hubbies or both?
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’ve felt this.
♥ #CouplesQuestion: What would be your dream job?