A Few Thoughts On Giving

This Friday Lori and I will start asking for year-end giving. This is a significant part of our yearly income and this year it will be particularly important. Today I want to talk about giving in general.

Paper in typewriter reading "donations"

The Bible is clear that God calls us to be generous givers. That starts with our local church, but it should not end there. We are told to care about and help the poor, the widows and orphans (or single moms and their children), and the homeless. We are also called to reach the lost. We can and should be doing things that accomplish those goals and we can also do it by giving to those who are doing it well. Support a child in a poor country. Give to a local food bank. Send money to a missionary across the ocean. Buy grocery or gift cards for someone doing street ministry. Find a group that does something about a cause you care about and partner with them by supporting them financially.

Lori and I think giving should be a couple activity. Talk about what individual or group you each would like to support and make a plan. Pray about how much to give and revisit that yearly. Please don’t limit yourself to groups that can provide you with a tax receipt. There are a lot of folks doing great work who can’t do that. 

I’ll share how you can support Lori and me on Friday. 

~ Paul – I’m XY, and yes, giving is an act of worship.

♥ #CouplesQuestion: Your friend is facing a hard choice. What do you say or do?

A post worth reading:

The Generous Wife | Major on His Strengths ◄ You see more of what you focus on.

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Slow Sex

I find TV sex to be nothing like real sex. Some couple who have known each other for less than an hour or have been denying they care about each other for months, go at it. They’re both so desperately horny they tear at each other’s clothes. Foreplay is 30 seconds of groping. Then they have intercourse, usually against a wall or on a table. (And usually without anyone removing the guy’s pants, how does that work?) And half a minute later they are both climaxing.

If you know better you just shake your head. But if you don’t know better might you think that is how sex is “supposed to be”.

Neon spelling out Slow Sex

Now I admit there are times when a couple is so hot for each other they don’t take much time to have sex. But while that happens, it’s not the norm, and doing it that way most of the time would not end well. Especially for her.

Like a fine meal, sex should be savoured and savouring requires taking your time. Great sex is as much (or more) about the journey as it is the destination. I suspect most women are this way, but I want you to know that this is true for men too. Slow sex is far more enjoyable for a man. He gets to feel close and intimate. He gets to enjoy her body, her arousal, and her climax(es). He gets to enjoy his sexuality at a slower pace, which makes for more pleasure. And when his climax happens, it will be more powerful than if he had rushed for the finish line. Some men have not learned this, but it’s the truth.

For you, slow can mean the difference between good sex and “why did I do that?” sex. And that’s not just about orgasm. Even if you manage to climax during rushed sex, it’s likely not as satisfying in a number of ways. As an occasional thing maybe, but as a steady diet who needs it? 

If you want to slow sex down, you have to get your hubby on board. Telling him you read slower sex is way better for both men and women might get his attention. Or just ask him to try it and see how he likes it. (You could be sneaky and initiate sex asking for slow sex.) Give him more to look at and touch him a good deal so he can enjoy the journey. 

One thing that helps slow sex down is your choice of position. If you’re on top you have more control. Side by side tends to slow things down. Or try the position shown below. You can do this for a long time, and while it’s easy to move, it’s difficult to move fast and hard. This position also gives him good access to your breasts and clitoris, along with a nice view. If you don’t usually orgasm during intercourse ask him to use his hand or a vibe to take you to climax first while he enjoys being inside you.

Dolls showing sex postion

One caveat: Slow sex is neither desired nor possible for a man who is sexually starved.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I think slower is usually way better.

A post worth reading:

The Generous Wife | Looking for a Little Privacy ◄ Because kids can cramp your sexual style!

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Don’t Let A Sandwich Ruin Your Life!

The other day I had occasion to hear my son say to my grandson, “You’re letting your life be ruined by a sandwich.”

The younger grandson had asked for a sandwich for lunch after the older had asked for and received something else. The older one decided he wanted a sandwich. He was told he could have one for his afternoon snack. He didn’t like that answer and an hour later he was still being grumpy and making faces to express his dissatisfaction with the situation.

Boy looking at bread and peanut butter.

It’s funny when a child does this, especially if we don’t have to deal with it, but what about when adults do it? Probably not over a sandwich, but most of us have let something minor and irrelevant ruin our day. Or our week. Or maybe our marriage?

If you find yourself doing this, just stop. If others around you do it, point out how silly it is as lovingly as possible.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and where’s the jelly?

A post worth reading:

The Generous Husband | Ask What Not Why ◄ Thanks to Greg and T for teaching me something!

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Leave, Cleave, and Visit

God tells us that when we marry we are to leave our family of origin and cleave to our spouse. It’s not a minor thing, it’s a total change of life.

Couple serving turkey to family gathering

When you go home, do you revert? Do you act as you did when you were single? Do you neglect your husband or turn a deaf ear when your family criticises him? Does he do those things when you’re with his family?

Have a talk now about what you each want from the other when you’re with either of your families. Don’t accept wrong behaviour from his family and don’t tolerate it from your family. Likewise don’t accept him ignoring you and don’t ignore him.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and my wife is first and foremost!

#CouplesQuestion: What events have changed your perspective on life?

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Scary Level Sexual Honesty

I wrote about this over on The Generous Husband last week. Now it’s the lady’s turn.

What have you not told your husband about your sexuality or about the sex life you share with him? You know, the little things that embarrass you or that you fear he might not like. 

Woman with finger to lips

The problem with sexual secrets is they get in the way of having a great sex life. They mean he doesn’t know the best way to arouse you or that something he does turns you off. It means he assumes you like things you don’t and/or assumes you don’t want things you do.

Honest open communication about all things sexual can be scary, but if you both do it the results will be well worth the effort.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I want sexual honesty with my sweetie.

A post worth reading:

Stronger Marriages | How Do I Deal with Teen Sexting? ◄ A growing problem.

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The Power Of “Why?”

A properly worded why question can help resolve some arguments. If you can get hubby to think about why he is acting as he is, or doing what he’s doing, or seeking what he’s seeking, he may change directions or at least soften his approach.

The word why

Of course “Why are you so stupid?” or “Why are you so mean?” or any other why that is really an attack aren’t helpful. Here are some why questions that may work better:

  • Why do you want that?
  • Why is now so important?
  • Why does that make you feel bad/unloved/disrespected?

Even if knowing why doesn’t change his mind, it may help you deal with the situation better.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I like to know why.

A post worth reading:

Marriage Restoration | Half of All Emotional Affairs End with Physical Cheating and Sex. Here’s Why ◄ The start of a dangerous road

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What One Food?

The other day our clan had a discussion about who is bringing what for Thanksgiving dinner. I asked if folks wanted me to bring candied sweet potatoes or green bean casserole as a side dish. I was surprised to hear green beans from the lot of them, as I had expected the other.

Thanksgiving turkey with sides

For many people, there are one or two must-have foods for it to be a proper Thanksgiving meal. Ask your husband what that would be for him and do all you can to make it happen.

True story: The year my mom died we spent Christmas with her brother and his family. At breakfast on Christmas eve, my Uncle was reminiscing about the cranberry sauce my Grandmother used to make. I asked a few questions, got on Google and found a recipe, hit a store, and surprised my Uncle with the relish on Christmas. I know he felt loved and he enjoyed it a great deal. That same relish has become a feature at our home ever since.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I love blessing people with food!

♥ #CouplesQuestion: What is the ultimate dessert?

Almost Grandma’s Orange Cranberry Relish:

  • 1 large whole orange, cut into wedges, seeds removed (yes, skin on)
  • 12 oz. fresh cranberries
  • ¾ cup honey
  • 1/8 tsp ginger
  • 1/8 tsp cinnamon
  • 1 TBS lemon juice

Chop cranberries and orange in a food processor. Add remaining ingredients, stir, and refrigerate overnight.

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Time To Rethink Your Position

Most couples use the same one or two positions for sex and these are usually set early in the marriage. If the positions are great for both husband and wife, then it’s fine. But if you’ve been doing the same thing for a decade or more, odds are it’s no longer the best choice for one or both of you.

Cartoon Showing Different Sex Poses or Positions

Many couples set their positions before the wife is fully enjoying sex and that’s a problem. Sometimes body image is a factor, causing a woman to reject a position out of fear of how it makes her look. Other times one spouse is initially uptight and won’t consider anything other than missionary. Additionally, changes in our bodies as we age affects what works best for us. And then there’s the fact that preferences change.

If you’ve been doing the same one, two, or three positions for many years, I suggest you try something new. Maybe try a new position every third time for a couple of months, or the first time you have sex each month for a year.

For the record, the most preferred positions for both men and women are 1) Rear entry 2) Missionary and 3) Cowgirl. I’d be sure to try those if any of them is not on your current list.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and variety is nice.

Resource:

Christian Friendly Sex Positions has enough positions to keep you busy for a very long time!

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