Getting Him to Talk More

Most men are not nearly as into talking as most women, and a lack of real conversation is a common complaint from wives.

A part of this is based on differences in your brains. The anterior commissure, a bundle of nerves that connects the two hemispheres of the brain, is larger in women than in men. This has a direct effect on language skills, with women using both sides of the brain for language, while men use mostly one side. Studies also show that women process the tone and meaning of emotional words faster than men do, and women use more words about people and relationships while men talk more about objects.

Couple talking © Robert Kneschke |

All the science aside, it means your brain does not process words the same way as his brain does. It also means that you have a better ability to communicate “his way” than he has to communicate “your way”. I am not trying to let him off the hook, just being realistic about the difference.

One good way to get him to talk is to do it while he is doing something else. Being in the car together is a great way to have a conversation. Working on a project together is another good way. I suspect part of the reason this works well for men is it reduces eye contact. Studies find women make more eye contact than men while talking, and this may make men feel uncomfortable. Talking while laying arm in arm, or after the lights are out, may also work well, for the same reason.

Talking while doing something else also allows him to take more time to process what you say without looking rude, and that can help him “keep up”.

Give him an environment that feels more comfortable to him, and he may say more.

Have you found something that loosens your husband’s tongue?

~ Paul – I’m XY, but I have way more words than my wife.

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Image Credit: © Robert Kneschke |

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