Are You (Still) Waiting for Him to Grow Up?
A common complaint from wives is that their husband is immature. It turns out there is a brain difference reason for this.
Men and women’s brains mature at different rates. If we look at maturity in terms of full brain development women get there at about 21 years of age. Men reach the same full development at age 30.
One of the areas that is slower to develop in men is the prefrontal cortex – the decision-making “CEO of the brain”. Besides developing later in men, women have a larger prefrontal cortex. Considering the fact women have smaller brains, some part being larger is significant.
Does this mean at age 30 he is caught up? I think we need time to learn to use what we gain, so I would expect men to lag women even past age 30 in terms of maturity.
What does all this mean for you, especially if your husband is under the age of forty? It means he is not thinking the way you are thinking, and to some degree, he is not able to think the way you do. It means his fascination with body noises is just part of who he is, and it means there is hope it will fade. As he ages, he will continue to mature and in time, he will think more like you.
That said, please do not think there is only a down side to his later brain maturity. He does not see or chooses to ignore obstacles and this allows him to do and succeed at things he would not otherwise try. He is more about fun and adventure and that can be good for both of you. He is more open to risk, which can be both good and bad. God made him different for a reason, and it was not to drive you crazy!
Speaking of maturing, if you want to read about becoming emotionally mature, I highly recommend Peter Scazzero’s book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: Unleash a Revolution in Your Life In Christ. Lori and I have both read the book, and we are now working through it with a group of friends. We have all seen many places where we need to mature, and we are challenging each other to grow. I mentioned the book on The Generous Husband today, so if your husband is reading that blog he has also had the book recommended.