Risk and Security

Over on The Generous Husband I’m doing a four part series on “What Women Want”. I said the four most important things are:

  • To be heard
  • To be understood
  • To be accepted
  • To be respected

I have had, as expected, some additional suggestions from women. My thinking is a man doing those well will know what else is important to his wife.

One of the suggestions was to add security. This ties in nicely with my Monday post here – Are You (Still) Waiting for Him to Grow Up? A woman’s brain is wired to care a great deal about safety and security, while a man’s brain is wired for risk and adventure – especially when he is young.

Risk and Reward © moggara12| freedigitalphotos.net

While this difference can leads to problems, and a good deal of frustration or stress for wives, his wiring is not bad. Without the male drive to explore, conquer, and take risks, I think humanity would all be living in one small corner of the world. The inventions that make our lives better are a result of the drive to explore and try new things. The expansion of God’s Kingdom through missionary work is another good result of how men are wired. I am not saying women would never do any of these things, but male drive and willingness to risk is a big part of such things.

Women on the other hand offer sanity and some limits on craziness. Auto insurance rates for men go down when they get married because statistics show men become safer drivers when they wed. Marriage balances his risk taking somewhat, making him safer while still having a drive to do and accomplish things.

Working together husband and wife make a good team, each balancing the other in an important way. But what do you do when you feel he is not hearing you and is taking too much risk or is not serious enough about planning and saving for the future?

Start by looking at yourself. Have you allowed him to modify your default settings? Or, are you trying to get him to think and act exactly as you always have? It is easy to react to his natural risk taking by moving away from any risk. Likewise with him, he may react to what he sees as excessive caution by taking more risks.

Work to advocate a true balance; more risk than you would take, more caution that he would use. Keep aiming for that balance even if he does not move at first.

I would also try to explain to him how too much risk makes you feel. If he understands the negative ways risk affects you, he might figure out he could benefit from not pushing the envelope as much.

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2 Comments on “Risk and Security

  1. You know you’re going to get the exception-I feel like I am to everything sometimes! We are definitely not the norm here. And I’ve always been drawn to more safety minded, practical, routine loving guys to counter me-even dating in high school. I am the risk taking, wanderlust, adventurer who drives too fast and needs new experiences all the time and like to go do things and see what happens– and I count on my husband to be the safety minded, secure, planner and realist that keeps me grounded. We are living in a foreign country and I love to experience it all and he is happy to stay home but I do know he’s tried more and done more than he’d do without me . I don’t react by taking more risks but think I accommodate his personality more. If we are out on a new adventure he is cautious for a good reason in his mind but sometimes it is so frustrating. I have worried that we’ll settle into being dull homebodies who never do anything new so I guess my takeaway is I need to explain to him how that thought makes me feel and encourage more balance even if I don’t see any movement from him at first. But maybe this type of personality wouldn’t be concerned about the negative ways non-risk affects someone? Hhhmmm….

  2. Pingback: Of Strawberries, Fish, and Olives: A Matter of Preference - The Forgiven Wife

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