Why Initiating Sex Matters so Much

Having his wife initiate sex is a big deal for most men. In the What Your Husband Wants You to Know survey, five men used the word initiate. One said it as a one word a sentence. A number of other men shared the same request in other ways. 

Wife on her husband © Stephen Orsillo | Dreamstime.com

I have heard women complain “I don’t say no when he asks, but he still expects me to initiate sex”. The reason for this is that initiating sex is about more than having sex.

  • We want to feel sexually desired by our wives. Saying yes is great, but desiring him so much you ask him is even better. 
  • Initiating sex says you enjoy sex. Your sexual enjoyment is important to him. It also results in him enjoying sex more.
  • Even if his risk of hearing no is low, there is an emotional cost to asking. He would like you to take the burden on occasion.

In addition to all this, most men enjoy it when their wife plans something sexual. This is the sexual side of romance. The planning shows how much you care, and how well you know him. Springing a sexual surprise on him is a treat, and it yells, “I love you” to him.

Want to try initiating but you have no idea how? Check out How to Initiate Sex with Your Husband: Top 10 Tips to Make it Great! over on to Love Honor and Vacuum and Go Ahead, Initiate by my wife on The Generous Wife.

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7 Comments on “Why Initiating Sex Matters so Much

  1. It’s not about saying “I will if you want to” but “I want you and I want to”. I think it is very arousing for a man to think his wife has been thinking about having sex with him even when they aren’t together. Flowers for no reason? Sex for “no reason” has the same effect on our men!
    Bonnie @ Love, Marriage and Sex recently posted…Duty Sex is a Waste of TimeMy Profile

  2. This is a biggie for any higher-drive spouse (husband or wife). It’s still the majority of husbands who do the initiating, but I see more and more wives trying to light that flame with hubbies and not feeling the fire reciprocated.

    Thanks for highlighting the importance of expressing desire and longing for sexual intimacy!
    J at HotHolyHumorous recently posted…How to Help Your Wife Get NakedMy Profile

    • I certainly need to do something on husbands who say no to sex – it my be the case in more than 20% of marriages depending on the study one believes.
      Still trying to understand it myself. I have no first hand understanding, and the men doing it are not very open to talking about it.
      Paul Byerly recently posted…Friday Flashback: The Toilet Paper Holder is UpMy Profile

    • This is my situation. I finally asked my husband if he wanted me to *stop* trying to initiate sex, and he said yes. I couldn’t tell you why, though.

  3. The idea of having her take on the emotional cost is something I have never been able to put into words before. Thank you for helping me make that connection in my brain. I have made a bit of a mess with that in the past, but hopefully my DW and I can get past that.

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