The word respect, or some version thereof, occurred twenty-two times in the What Your Husband Wants You to Know survey:

• Your respect and conversely your disrespect cuts to the core of who we are as men and husbands.
• Respect is more important than sex.
• We need to be respected even when you don’t feel like it.
• Unconditional Respect is essential.
• Respect their husbands and do not patronise them!
• Men have a difficult time with disrespect, especially if being put down in front of others.
• Respecting us is also part of our identity as men.
• I want her to Love and Respect me.
• Man’s need for understanding and respect – we have our insecurities too.
• Respect: Don’t speak to us like you do the kids (even if we’re behaving or acting like the kids).

Reading those, I see what a difficult task you ladies have with this one! Unconditional respect? Don’t treat him like a kid, even if he behaves like one?

The underlying issue here is that most men don’t feel respected in our society. They don’t feel respected at work. Some women make negative accusations about them just because they are men. We want home to be a safe place. So we want respect even when we’re less than perfect.

Part of the problem is the fact men and women are different. We often think differently than you think. We are more given to risk, and we do things for the pure excitement of doing them. This is not childish; it’s who God made us to be. When a man is being a man, his wife will from time to time feel uncomfortable about his actions and choices. This tension is part of God’s plan, and we need to learn to embrace it.

Giving him the benefit of the doubt will go a long way towards his feeling respected. Saying, “Go ahead, but it won’t work” feels disrespectful. “I told you so” is the same. Failure is part of how we learn and grow – can you make some room for that?

I understand the idea respect is earned. I also see how difficult to impossible that can be in a “prove yourself” atmosphere. I think there is a positional respect due to husbands. We respect a police officer, even if we think he is wrong. A similar kind of respect for one’s husband is good and helpful.

Most men feel a deep lack of respect. When you show him respect, it opens his heart to you. And that is a good thing!

~ Paul – I’m XY, and feeling respected by my wife is an awesome thing!

For more on this subject, check out Are Love and Respect the Same Thing? 

Image Credit: © Feng Yu | stock.adobe.com
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