Recently, Patty Newbold wrote a great post entitled If Your Husband is Oblivious to How Unhappy You Are. I can attest to the fact that men can be blind to their wife’s unhappiness. I get emails from fellows who have been told by their wife she is filing for a divorce because she just can’t take it any more. Far too often, the man had no idea she was unhappy, and even now can’t see why.

In some cases, the wife never did a good job of making her frustrations clear, but this is the exception. Typically, she was vocal about the problem for a long time, with him doing little or nothing to work on the issues. Eventually she decided he wasn’t going to change, and ongoing complaint was useless. Her husband took the end of complaining as a signal that everything was okay. She then spent years stewing while he was completely oblivious. 

The thing to realise is he’s not as attuned to emotions as you are. This is not just him being difficult, he honestly is not as empathetic as women are. He will miss hints. He will also miss things any woman would get in seconds. Additionally, I think too many issues being brought up overwhelm some men. Whether you do a massive dump all at once, or spill issue after issue over time, he is likely to shut down. Bringing up many issues also allows him to tell himself you can never be pleased, giving him a reason to not even try.

Yes, I understand how maddening this is. I also understand it sounds like an impossible situation. If you want him to hear you, pick a single issue and stay on it. Patty’s post has some other good ideas on dealing with this.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’d like to buy a clue

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