The Trouble with Tears

Few men know how to deal with a crying woman. When your emotions leak from your eyes, we disengage, claiming we can’t talk to you when you are “like that”. The dirty little secret is it’s because of our emotions, not yours, we find it difficult to cope. Your tears help you deal with your emotions, and can help you feel better. However, those same tears confuse and scare your husband. He does not understand tears (most men avoid crying, or hide it) and he has no idea what he is supposed to do about it (we’re men, we think we’re supposed to do something about everything).

Woman crying © FrameAngel |

Some men accuse women of using tears to manipulate. I cannot say no woman ever does that, but I know it is not the reason most women cry. You cry because you are in touch with your emotions. We fear your tears because we are not in touch with our emotions. We do not understand why you cry (we want to understand everything) and we do not know how to stop your crying (gotta fix things). Your tears make us feel stupid and useless.

Am I telling you to knock it off with the tears? I am not. There is nothing wrong with you crying. I just want you to understand how your tears make your husband feel. Some dry-eyed discussions about crying might help him feel less horrible when it happens. Tell him he is not expected to fix things when you cry, and tell him hugs and sympathy are appreciated. I’d also warn him his sympathy might result in an increase in tears, and why that is not a bad thing.

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One Comment on “The Trouble with Tears

  1. “Your tears help you deal with your emotions, and can help you feel better.” Perhaps a comparison could help men understand what crying can mean for a woman: Crying can accomplish for a woman some of what sex accomplishes for a man. Releasing tears is a process by which we relieve tension, feel cleansed, find relaxation, and are able to see life more clearly. A husband’s defensive reaction to our crying can be a deep rejection, perhaps similar to the rejection he would feel if she refused his sexual advances.

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