Few men know how to deal with a crying woman. When your emotions leak from your eyes, we disengage, claiming we can’t talk to you when you are “like that“. The dirty little secret is this reaction is because of our emotions, not yours. Your tears help you deal with your emotions, and help you feel better. However, those same tears confuse and scare your husband. He doesn’t understand tears (most men avoid crying, or hide it) and he has no idea what he is supposed to do about it. (We’re men, we think we’re supposed to do something about everything.) He can’t cope, so he says or does things that make it worse.

Some men accuse women of using tears to manipulate. I can’t say that never happens, but I know it’s not the reason most women cry. You cry because you’re in touch with your emotions. We fear your tears because we’re not in touch with our emotions. We do not understand why you cry (we want to understand everything) and we don’t know how to stop your crying (gotta fix things). Your tears make us feel stupid and useless.

Am I telling you to knock it off with the tears? Not at all. There’s nothing wrong with you crying. I just want you to understand how your tears make your husband feel. Some dry-eyed discussions about crying might help him feel less horrible when it happens. Tell him he’s not expected to fix things when you cry, and tell him hugs and sympathy are appreciated. Or whatever would be best for you. I’d also warn him doing the right thing might result in an increase in tears, and why that is not a bad thing.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I ain’t afraid of no tears!

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