Will He Ever Be Sexually Satisfied?

Have you ever thought you will never be able to satisfy your husband sexually? My wife said that often… even after I was feeling sexually satisfied. If I was satisfied, and told her so, why did she feel it was not true? More importantly for you, might your husband be satisfied, or closer than you think he is?

In discussing this with people, I find part of the issue is the difference between dissatisfied and curious. A good way to explain this is with chocolate lemon bars.

Lemon Bar © Paul H. Byerly

We used to buy a great lemon bar dessert in a box. I decided I wanted to make it from scratch – it would cost less, probably be healthier, and I could tweak it to perfection. I gathered several lemon bar recipes and made my own from them. The first batch was good, but not great, so I made a couple of changes. The second or third batch was great. At this point, I was satisfied

However, I thought dark chocolate might complement the tart lemon flavour. I was curious to see if I could mix in chocolate. The first try was a disaster in that it was messy. Eventually I got it right. Had I never gotten it to work it would have been okay, as I was satisfied with the “plain” lemon bars. However, because I followed my curiosity, I now have two versions of the bars we can enjoy. 

Being satisfied with sex does not mean you have no additional curiosities. If you never get to try many of those things, it’s okay. If you try one and it doesn’t work out, that is fine. If you try one and it is good, or you can tweak it to become good, you have one more “sexual dessert” you can enjoy.

~ Paul – I’m XY and I bake!

Hidden Chocolate Lemon Bars


  • 1½  cup  all-purpose flour
  • 3/4 cup butter or margarine, softened
  • 1/3  cup powdered sugar
  • 1½ dark chocolate chips (or semi-sweet, if you must!)
  • 2 cup granulated sugar
  • 4 Tablespoon flour
  • 1½ Tablespoon grated lemon peel
  • 5 Tablespoon lemon juice
  • 1 teaspoon baking powder
  • ½ teaspoon salt
  • 4 eggs 
  • powdered sugar


  1. Heat oven to 350ºF
  2. Mix flour, butter, and powdered sugar. Press in ungreased 8×8 or 9x9x pan, pushing up sides a bit
  3. Bake crust 20 minutes
  4. Sprinkle crust with dark chocolate chips
  5. Beat granulated sugar, lemon peel, lemon juice, baking powder, salt, flour, and eggs with electric mixer 3 minutes. Should be light and fluffy
  6. Pour filling over chocolate chips
  7. Cover with foil
  8. Bake 45 minutes covered, then about 20 minutes uncovered, until no indentation remains when touched lightly in centre
  9. Cool completely; dust with powdered sugar. Cut into squares.

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11 Comments on “Will He Ever Be Sexually Satisfied?

  1. Paul,

    A curious post to get the “hmmmm box” operating. That is where you see a person stroke their chin and quietly repeat the sound “Hmmm” or they might say, “I get that!”

    That is the type of reaction people might get here. Often husbands and wives struggle with actual communication since we approach life from different wave lengths. We do not understand why the other person acts “that way” or why they don’t respond to a specific stimulus as “I do.”

    Very challenging and enlightening at the same time.

    Jerry – The Romance Educator and Coach
    Jerry Stumpf recently posted…Why I Write – Blog TourMy Profile

  2. When it’s explained this way, it sounds reasonable.

    I wonder, though, about the actual words that are used to request new activities. If the request is phrased as “why don’t you ever . . . ” or “it would be nice if you’d just . . . ” or “can’t we try . . .,” it is hard to hear the request as anything other than “our sex life isn’t good enough as it is” and “you aren’t good enough.” (A sullen tone doesn’t help much, either.)

    I respond better to “wouldn’t it be fun if . . . .”
    Chris recently posted…The Enemy of Marriage: Pointing FingersMy Profile

    • That is a tough one, Chris. It is difficult for that kind of request to not sound like it comes from a place of dissatisfaction. “How about, “I wonder if it would be fun to…” I think you are on point when you include the word “fun.” I have a feeling most women do not want to hear the word “hot”. For some “hot” would sound almost pornographic and for others it would imply expectations that may go unmet. Good call on the “fun.”
      Dan recently posted…But It Seemed Like Such A Good Idea at the Time: Part 4-Spiritual PlanningMy Profile

      • You make a great point about how we hear certain words. Sex is a sensitive thing, and a wrongly heard word can be a big problem.
        Thing is there is no list of words to avoid because it varies a good deal from woman to woman. Gotta know the one you love.
        Paul Byerly recently posted…Cause and WhateverMy Profile

        • Not only do you have to know the woman, but her moods too. Sometimes mood and circumstance can conspire against you with her receptivity to compliments or descriptive comments. I used to send my wife emails that, while not pornographic, they were not G-rated or X-rated either. I thought she would be flattered knowing my desire and passion for her and my thinking of her even when she was away. She told me she would much rather have “hearts and flowers” kind of mails. I understood, but it is much harder for me to create those and do it quickly. As a result, I don’t do the mails anymore. I have a bunch of cards I purchased and I dole one out as the mood strikes me, but that’s nowhere near as often as the emails. Sadly, we both kind of lost on that deal.
          Dan recently posted…But It Seemed Like Such A Good Idea at the Time: Part 4-Spiritual PlanningMy Profile

          • At least you heard her and stopped sending emails that were doing more harm than good!
            Moods are certainly an issue. Likewise for being tired and where she is in her cycle. A wise man is a student of his wife 24/7.
            Paul Byerly recently posted…Being A Student of Your WifeMy Profile

  3. Wow, Paul, you bake!
    I wonder if you could encourage my husband to bake. Wait a minute. I just got this picture in my mind of my kitchen, and how it looks like a bomb dropped on it. On second thought, maybe we better leave my husband to what he does best, which in not cooking or baking.

    Thank you for the recipe. This email is a keeper.

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