Invalidating HIS feelings
Last week I did a post on The Generous Husband entitled Do You Feel Me? The post, part of a few posts on emotional intelligence, sought to get men to take time to really hear their wife’s feelings before taking action. I warned “When we move past the feeling too quickly, we unintentionally communicate we do not really care about the feeling, or the person experiencing the feeling.”
In the comments, Rosemary of For Better – Or What? said men also experience their feelings are not heard. This is certainly true! Maybe it does not hurt men as much as it hurts women (and maybe it does) but it certainly is not helping the man in question get better at dealing with feelings!
I would guess a common reason women want to skip a man’s feelings is they feel uncomfortable with those feelings. If he is feeling angry or frustrated, the level of emotion may be intimidating. If he seems “worked up” it may seem wise to try to calm him down. Of course, this can easily have the opposite effect, especially if he thinks his feelings are being invalidated.
His feelings are just as valid as your feelings – even when they seem over the top. Hearing him allows you to connect, and connection will calm things down better than confrontations.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I like it when I know my wife understands my pain.