Why He Hates Church
Does your husband avoid church? Maybe this is the case even if he loves God and strives to live a Christ-like life. Truth is the way we do church does not appeal to most men.
David Murrow, author of Why Men Hate Going to Church says churches changed during the industrial revolution. Large numbers of men went far from home to work in mines, mills, and factories. The women left behind remade churches into what women want. I would say much of what the women instituted was fine, even needed. The problem is they did not add it to what was there; they made major replacements. They added things that attract women, and removed things that attract men. While I am sure it was not the intention, what they did was create a church men would not want to attend.
Murrow says most churches appeal to women and seniors, and this is exactly who we see filling the pews of most churches. Young single men are exceptionally rare. Young and middle age married men are a bit more common, but many of them are just showing up to keep their wife from complaining. Most churches do not offer the things men are seeking – no risk, no challenge, no adventure. In some cases, such a church does more harm than good for a man.
I urge you to have an open, honest talk with your husband about church. If he is not going, or not going often, ask him why. If he is going to church, ask him to be brutally honest about how he feels about the church. Be open to whatever he thinks, realising it is valid for him. Do not try to talk him out of what he feels – he may bury it, but it will not change how he feels.
You and your husband need to attend a church that works for both of you – a church that meets his needs as well as it meets your needs. Maybe that means being part of a change at your church. This would be my first recommendation. If your current church is not willing to become what a man needs a church to be, you will have to consider finding a new church. I do not lightly advise this, but it many may be critical for your husband’s spiritual health. If his church is not challenging him, he will find it difficult to grow spiritually. It is even possible for the church to hurt his spiritual maturity.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and the sign is how some churches look to men.