According to a study¹ done in 2007, 93% of boys see on-line porn before the age of 18. Half of all boys see it by the age of 14. In the seven years since the study was done, it’s gotten worse. As Internet enabled phones become common for teens, porn exposure is more likely and more difficult to prevent. One group looking to study the effect of porn on college males had to cancel because they couldn’t find men who has never viewed porn.

About two thirds of teens say they were not looking for porn the first time the came across it. Many were first exposed by a friend or older brother. Once they see it, most boys go back for more. Nude images plug into their brains in a way nothing has before, and they don’t have the maturity to make the best decisions in the face of significant arousal.

If you have a minor son, this information no doubt scares you. The question is what do you do about it?

Short of putting out his eyes, there’s no way you can keep your son from seeing at least a little porn. I wish I could tell you otherwise, but I’d be lying. Filters can help, and I recommend them, but a tech savvy kid can bypass most. Even if they work, they work at home, not all the other places he goes. The best option is to educate him so he can deal with it and make smart choices. Shame will only make it worse, as will anger. Initially he is a victim, and you being able to grasp that should help.

No boy wants to talk about porn with a parent, and for most discussing it with his mother is far worse than talking about it with dad. The approach I used with our son was calm, open, and honest. I let him know I’d seen porn, and I wish I had not. I explained it distorted my understanding of sex, and hurt my sex life when I got married. I told him I knew he would see things even if he tried to avoid it, and I said he would be tempted to look again. I was sharing with him a struggle common to all men, not some horrible thing he was doing. I started talking to him about this before puberty, and mentioned it casually on occasion.

Beyond the boys, porn viewing is now common for girls. The study I’ve cited found 62% of girls see on-line porn before 18, and 37% by age 14. This is where you need to get involved. Given her odds of seeing something by age 14, you need to start talking about this several years earlier. Young teen girls are more likely to see porn unintentionally, and less likely to be shown porn by friends, especially when they are younger. They are also less likely to seek it out after one exposer, but repeated exposer increases the odds they will seek out porn. In high school, things change, and her odds of seeing porn go up greatly.

How to best address this with a daughter I do not know. Our daughter is in her mid-30’s and it was not a major issue when she was a teen. If you have thoughts or links on this, please hit the comments.

One more thing (and this will be unpopular with some): I can find nothing in the Bible about masturbation. As such, I conclude it’s not inherently wrong. A boy’s odds of masturbating are even higher than his odds of seeing porn; likewise for girls. I would ask you and your husband to do some deep prayer and study on this issue before you speak to your children. If you’re convinced it is wrong, I’d approach it much like I suggested for porn. If you decided it is not always sin, you still need to talk to your kids about the issue. Talk to them about the importance of their thoughts, and learning self-control.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and the porn kids see today offends and saddens me. 

1 The Nature and Dynamics of Internet Pornography Exposure for Youth Sabrina et al 

Links may be monetised
Image Credit: © olly | dollarphotoclub.com
Shop Amazon ♦ Shop to give links page
We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!