One of our toilets was broken for several months. You could flush it, if you reached in and lifted the flapper by hand. I should’ve gotten it fixed far faster than I did. Does this sound like something your husband has done to you? Let me tell you why it took so long – it might teach you something about your husband. 

1. First, it was not really broken. It worked, just not as easily as one would like. Yes, this is justification, but also truth.
2. I mostly use the other bathroom. Our fireplace is downstairs, and in the winter I move my stuff down there so I can keep an eye on starting it or stoking it for the night as I do all the things one does in a bathroom first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Additionally, I am down there so often during the day I rarely use the upstairs bathroom. So, I was not as aware of the issue as I should have been. Or more accurately, it was easy for me to ignore.
3. The first time I went to fix it (early on mind you) I found the shut off valve was not working and would need to be replaced. This means turning of the water to the whole house, and if there’s a problem replacing the valve you have no water. This is a big hassle and a lot of work, and I was loaded down with all kinds of things already. In part I put it off because I did not want to deal with it right then. Beyond the time, there was the issue of the emotional energy required.
4. The second time I went to fix it, I found one of the bolts holding the tank on would not come off. If I tried to force it, it could break, then no toilet at all. I would probably have to cut it off and replace it, and given its age finding a replacement might be difficult. The local hardware store was about to close, and would not be open the next day, so it was a bad time to go for it. By now, I’m really frustrated, and I thought about just replacing the whole thing and being done with it.

I’m not really making excuses here. I should have had it fixed much sooner. Had I wanted to, I could have done it in a week – even with the problems I ran into. It was not a big enough priority to overcome my frustration. I know why it took me so long; the question is if I can do better in the future. Of course, my long-suffering wife did not know what was going on in my mind, and as she uses the upstairs bathroom almost exclusively, I suspect she was rather frustrated with me.

~ Paul – I’m XY and yes, it’s been fixed now.

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