Surveys Say Sex Gets Keeps Getting Better

At the first of the year, we did a survey asking men and women if their sex life was better in 2014. Overall, our respondents said yes. Half said it was better than 2013, and a third said it was the best year ever. Women were more likely than men to say it was the best ever.

As we looked at women’s answers compared to how long they’d been married, we found some interesting things. It was very rare for a woman married less than 15 years to say last year was the best ever. From 15 years of marriage on, women were more likely to say last year was the best ever. About half of those married 15-29 years said last year was the best, while 86% of those married more than 30 years said it was the best.

She wants him © Dmitriy Shironosov |

On the other side, 21% of those married less than three years, and 26% of those married 3-9 years said last year was the worst year ever for their sex life. Of all the women married more than 9 years, only one said last year was the worst ever.

That’s pretty impressive support for the idea sex gets better the longer women are married. I try not to put too much on our surveys given the problems with Internet surveys, but these findings match up well with a number of other better-done surveys. An Indiana University study on sexual satisfaction and relationship happiness found wives’ sexual satisfaction increased steadily the first fifteen years of marriage, continuing to improve at a slower rate after 15 years. Satisfaction never levelled out, still growing slightly for women married 50 years.  A large study in the UK released just last week found older sexually active women were happier with their sex lives than younger women – and this was true all the way up to women in their 80’s, with only 5% of those women saying they were dissatisfied with their sex lives.

Bottom Line: For women the first decade of marriage is the worst, sexually. However, sex gets steadily better the longer a woman is married, and great sex can continue long after retirement.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’m enjoying our empty nest. ;-)

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7 Comments on “Surveys Say Sex Gets Keeps Getting Better

  1. Maybe the long-married couples are just experiencing memory loss about the previous years! LOL – seriously, though, I remember reading the “Good Girl’s Guide” which says that it can take a couple of years to really connect, physically. On the one hand, that seemed disturbing; on the other hand, it helped me accept that my honeymoon experience was not so great. At any rate, it’s nice to know that the best is always yet to come (as opposed to, “It’s all downhill from here”.)

    • Women certainly get the short end on this one. Some of it is how their sexuality works, some is lies they have been taught, some is body image, and some is their husband not knowing what to do and not being willing to work on it.
      I think it can get better a lot faster if both spouses are willing to work at it. If not, it can take many years.
      The other part of this is women who have kids have babies and young kids during the first fifteen years of marriage. Most women have all school aged kids by 15 years.
      Paul Byerly recently posted…Sex on VDayMy Profile

  2. This is so extremely depressing to read. Didn’t happen this way for me. Makes me feel so alone in my unhappiness.

  3. As I see these kind of surveys, I am reminded of a newspaper article I read years ago (10-15, I think). I have never been able to find it or the referenced study again — just can’t seem to find the right search terms for the search engines, I guess. The point of the article was that, based on this particular survey, what was going on in woman’s sex life around menopause seemed to set the tone for the rest of her life. For those with most good sex lives or improving sex lives going into menopause, the trend continued (perhaps a majority of the respondents to your survey would be in this kind of group?) For those with poor and deteriorating sex lives/libido entering menopause, that trend also continued.

    Like I say, I have never been able to find this one again, so maybe it has faded into the annals of bad science or something.

    • I’ve seen this reported more than once, and it matches with what we’ve heard from couples.
      If a woman enjoys sex at menopause, she is likely to enjoy it even more after. If she does not, learning to enjoy it after menopause is rare. For men and women, but especially women, it become use it or lose it somewhere in the 50’s.
      Paul Byerly recently posted…Sex on VDayMy Profile

  4. Do you think that might have anything to do with the fact that many people have children in their first 10 years of marriage? I know that those early years of parenting impacted our sex life a good deal!

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