I recently ran across an article on a major Christina web site (which shall remain nameless) entitled something similar to, “Top 10 things your husband wants to hear you say.” Care to guess how many of those ten was in any way sexual? The answer is zero.

Trust me, most men’s top ten list of things they want to hear from their wife has more than a couple of explicitly sexual statements.

I see this all the time. It’s scary how often marriage articles cover a number of issues but skip any mention of sex. I’ve also seen several (otherwise) exceptional pre-marriage courses which don’t mention sex. Yes, really! 

I’m not saying sex is the most important thing in marriage, but leaving it out entirely is just weird. It’s also not at all in line with what God has to say in the Bible. The church is afraid of sex. Many want to pretend it doesn’t exist, while others want to keep it hidden away. No wonder we have so many sexual problems in the church!

It is getting better, but there’s still plenty of resistance. Yesterday I talked with a couple who were pushed out of their church for sharing various posts about sex on their social media account. They were sharing things from good solid blogs – biblical, marriage centred advice. They had people thanking them for doing it, but someone at their church got upset. What followed was a witch-hunt, complete with innuendo, character assassination, and outright lies. In the end, encouraging a healthy, Godly sex life was found to be incompatible with the self-perceived best interest of the church.

Odds are it’s not as bad in your church, but there are almost certainly pockets of anti-sex sentiment and resistance to any mention of sex in any church. Not talking about sex doesn’t prevent sexual sin, it encourages it. Ignoring the reality of sex in marriage doesn’t make marriages better, it hurts them. Silence about sex doesn’t keep kids pure, it pushes them into sexual sin. 

What part can you play in all this? How can you be more sex positive? How can you resit those who want to make sex a forbidden subject in church?

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’m not afraid to talk about sex!

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