Hints Are Not Communication
Has your husband ever gotten upset or sulky because he hinted he wanted sex and you missed the hint? Did you think he was unreasonable, or maybe figured he got what he deserved for not just speaking up and asking for what he wanted?
Yes, it’s a trick question – because this post is not about sex.
If I had a dollar for every time some man complained about his wife’s “hinting” I’d be driving around in a million dollar Class A Motorhome!
Hints are not communication. Hints are for games, not relationships.
We hint for a variety of reasons:
- We feel unsure we “deserve” what we want.
- It feels better if our spouse gives us what we want without openly asking for it.
- We were taught asking for what we want is rude or presumptuous.
- No is easier to hear when we hint than ask outright.
- Bad habit.
- Bad examples.
All of these are reasons men hint about sex. They are also reasons some women hint about almost everything they want.
The other thing about hints is they are obvious to the one giving the hint, but maybe not to others. How we think, life experience, personality, and gender all affect if we even register a hint. I could easily tell when a man is hinting to his wife he wants sex, even if she is oblivious. Your girl friends would see many of your hints as obvious, while you husband has no clue.
Hints are unloving and a bad plan. If you want to be heard, speak plainly. If you hint and he doesn’t get it, please don’t blame him; it’s on you.
~ Paul – I’m XY and I like guessing games, but not in my marriage!
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