Sex Toys, or Sex Tools?
A few weeks ago we did a survey on sex toys. We found the majority of our readers have no problem with Christians using sex toys. Only 1% of men and 2% of women were sure it’s wrong while 5% of men and 7% of women said they were not sure, but it felt wrong to them. The full survey results are on TMB, and you can read what I said to the men last Saturday if you like.
What I’d like to do here is suggest why sex toys might be a good idea for your marriage. I realise this may seem a bit presumptuous. I bring it up because the “acceptance” of sex toys was significantly higher than use.
If your sex life is just fine without toys, great. Have a nice day and join me on Monday. However, if you or your husband struggle with sex in any way, toys might help a great deal.
It’s unfortunate we call these things “toys”. It makes them sound like fun but frivolous extras. For some couples “toys” are tools that make sex possible. For others, they make sex far better than it could be without “sex tools”. Here are a few common sex problems and some sex tool solutions. I’ve put affiliate links at the bottom for those interested.
Problem: Getting aroused is a significant problem for some women. Some want sex, but struggle to get aroused enough to do it and enjoy it.
Solution: A vibrator of some sort can be a big help here. For some a vibe is a warm up tool, set aside when arousal has been accomplished.
Solution: There are also suction devices designed to help pull blood into the vulva, which is what happens during arousal. One such product, the Eros Device, was given FDA approval fifteen years ago. The Eros had solid test results, but never caught on for some reason, and doesn’t seem to be available anymore. There are some over the counter suction devices made for the vulva or clitoris, but finding a good one can be tricky.
Problem: A lack of vaginal lubrication isn’t a good thing, and it can ruin an otherwise nice romp in the sheets. Dryness can happen for many reasons, and can be a problem even when a woman is ready and willing. One recent study found women and men both report sex is more enjoyable with added lube.
Solution: The sex tool every couple should own is a lubricant. A few drops can make all the difference. In addition to being used for intercourse, a lube makes manual stimulation better for either of you.
Problem: Erection issues can be a show stopper, or at least force a change in direction. Inability to get an erection is a warning sign your hubby needs to see a doctor ASAP. However, occasional difficulty getting or keeping an erection firm enough for intercourse can be caused by all manner of things including being tired, being stressed, or having a bit too much to drink.
Solution: A penis ring is a stretchy doughnut placed around the base of the erect or semi-erect penis. The ring keeps blood in the penis, keeping it firm and often making it firmer. Sometimes this is enough to make intercourse possible when it would otherwise not be. Other times it takes away worry. Some men who have no difficulty with erection find a ring makes them harder, which feels better.
Never use a solid ring, or one with a catch or latch. It needs to be something easily removed. It is commonly suggested a ring not be kept in place for more than half an hour.
Problem: A few blessed women never struggle reaching climax, but this is rare. Some women have no problem most of the time, but occasionally it seems impossible or just not worth the time and effort. Some women find there are a few days each cycle when it’s difficult to impossible, while others have only a few days a cycle when it’s easy. Regardless, getting all worked up and not finishing is no fun. This problem can limit sex because who wants to try when the odds of failure are high?
Solution: For most women a vibrator is the surest path to climax. Once hubby knows how to use it, the risk of not finishing is eliminated or greatly reduced. Finding the right vibrator can be tricky, and it seems there’s a good deal of personal preference. The “winner” in every survey I’ve seen, including the one we just did, is the Hitachi Magic Wand. This is a powerful plug-in vibrator with deeper vibrations than the battery versions.
Orgasm During Intercourse
Problem: Some women never will, some aren’t always up for the effort, and some find it hit or miss.
Solution: Placing a small bullet or egg vibe between your bodies during face to face sex gives you extra stimulation. He will feel it too, and most men say they really like it. For some women, this is the only way to climax during intercourse, while for others is takes the work or worry out of it.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’m all about tools!
Links: These links are Amazon affiliate links. The images for the products are free of people and parts of people, and the “Those who bought this also bought” links were okay when I checked them. Amazon does not show full nudity, but it is possible to see some scantily clad bodies in some product images. You can find most of these products at drug stores or Walmart near the condoms.
Vulva Pump – The “also bought” links on this one are questionable, but no nudity.