Holding Pattern Marriage
Lori was talking with me about a woman she’s in contact with. Her marriage isn’t bad, but it’s not good either. Her husband is emotionally unavailable, and despite several years of trying to fix things change is painfully slow. Lori said the woman was not giving up on her marriage. She has come to realise her guy has some big issues preventing him from dealing with their marriage problems. In the past, this woman was desperate to see things fixed ASAP. As she has worked on her own stuff she has been able to take a longer view of things. Her situation hasn’t changed, but she’s now better able to wait.
This woman is in a holding pattern, like a plane circling an airport waiting to land. A pilot can’t get on the ground any faster by yelling at ground control or flying faster. The delay is not on his end, and he can do nothing about it. As frustrating as the situation is, calm and patience are the best options. Short of telling ground control he’s about to run out of fuel and is coming down with or without permission, the pilot is stuck.
Are you in a holding pattern marriage? Calm and patience may be your best option. If you’re running low on fuel I think you need to make it clear a crash is imminent, but otherwise waiting for him to get through his stuff may be the way to go.
Let me be clear I’m not talking about marriages where there’s abuse here. Neither am I talking about men who are dangerous to themselves or anyone else. This is for women married to decent guys who just are not stepping up the way they should. He’s not a bad husband, but neither is he a good one. He’s got problems all his own he needs to deal with, and he has some awareness of this reality.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I praying for you.