Grab Him By The Hormones!

Men complain about women being ruled by their hormones. In reality all of us, XX and XY, are significantly controlled by our many hormones. Inject someone with a certain hormone or hormones and you can cause them to feel loving, aggressive, happy, sad, depressed, and on and on. We should learn to go beyond how our hormones push us, but we’re all pushed and we can only do so much about it. 

One important hormone is oxytocin, which has been called the love hormone by some. Once thought to be important only for giving birth and nursing, we now know oxytocin causes bonding in everyone. It’s what causes mothers and fathers to fall in love with their new baby, even as it robs them of sleep, disrupts their routine, and destroys their sex life. It’s what makes us feel loving towards animals and is why some folks love their “fur-babies” in ways that cause others to shake their heads. It’s also very important in marriages. It’s the glue that helps hold us together.

Oxytocine molecule  © Zerbor |

You want your husband deep in the grip of oxytocin! But how do you get him more of this magic hormone? Fortunately, you don’t have to sneak it in his food or burn special candles.

Hands On!

Touch releases oxytocin in both the toucher and the touchie. Any touch works, from snuggling to hand holding to making out. The trick is to find touch he wants to receive. Massage is a great choice here. Learn where he carries tension and regularly help him with that. 

Eat Up!

Sharing a meal causes a release of oxytocin. From a seven-course gourmet feast to splitting a candy bar, eating together is a bonding experience. Find ways to make meals the main event, not something done in front of the TV. 

Wow, Look At That!

Looking at something beautiful together is another way to get some oxytocin bonding. You can double up here by walking hand in hand in the woods or sipping some beverage while watching a sunset or sunrise.

Turn Up the Beat

Music is another choice, especially if you sing along together. Find music you both like and enjoy!

~ Paul – I’m XY, and my wise wife has me hooked on oxytocin.

Resource7 Things You (Probably) Didn’t Know About Oxytocin And The Science Of Love | Forbes 

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6 Comments on “Grab Him By The Hormones!

  1. Don’t Ever underestimate the power of Touch!

    I never saw my parents (while they were still married) hug or hold hands or even kiss. One day, when my brother was still quite young, he ran up and wrapped his arms around my fathers neck and gave him a big hug.
    My father pulled his arms away and told him that boys and men don’t hug each other.

    It took years and much pushing for my father to finally accept a hug from me when we got to see each other. As he got a little older he became more comfortable accepting and receiving hugs.

    The last visit with my father was while he was dying. He had a stroke and couldn’t speak. He motioned me close to him and he took hold of my hand. He held it very tight as he looked at me with his loving blue eyes and smiled. A touch I’ll cherish forever.

    Why do we discourage our men and boys from showing affection through simple touch?
    Isn’t that the thing they need the most, physical affirmation?
    I’ve heard so many stories of men getting ED and completely shutting down all affection.
    Is that because we have trained them that if affection can’t or won’t lead to sex, it’s not worth pursuing it for it’s own sake?
    Guess what happens? The intimacy shuts down and resentment starts to rise.
    I know some women shut down physical affection just because “it always leads to sex”.
    Guess what happens? The intimacy shuts down and the resentment rises.

    I’m gonna take my husband to the lake for a picnic this weekend. Then we’ll hold hands and walk around the lake singing and laughing. Bet we feel closer and more relaxed when we get home.

    • @Jolie – Men do have some real issues with touch. Some of it is as you father said – it’s just not what men do. It’s habit, it’s part of being male, and we follow it blindly and fearfully.

      Withdrawing all touch and affection due to sexual problems is common. In part it’s because he doesn’t feel like man. Beyond that the touch might arouse desires he can’t follow, or follow as he thinks he should, so he avoids going down that road.

      Blessed is the man who allows his wife to teach him how much he can enjoy non-sexual touch!
      Paul Byerly recently posted…Choosing to Enjoy What She EnjoysMy Profile

  2. I am a married woman. But I feel like I’m a freak of nature! My husband and I seem to have the whole thing backwards. My husband is a very manly man. I think he’s incredibly sexy. He’s tall, strong, masculine, rugged. He runs large crews of very rough men, and commands respect from almost all of them. He is a very masculine man.
    However, my sex drive is much higher than his. I believe this is because I am not good enough for him and he isn’t attracted to me, a point which he argues ferociously, but that’s an issue for another day. I used to initiate sex all the time, until I started reading about marriage and realized it was supposed to be the other way around, and my eyes were opened to the fact that I must be severely lacking in the attractiveness to husband department.
    Anyhow, my husband loves touch. Holding hands, kissing, cuddling, etc. Me, I don’t like it very much. Mainly for the reasons you describe. What is it? Is he starting something? Could he possibly be interested in me sexually? Or is he just wanting to cuddle?
    I have spent such a great deal of time these past few years trying to learn to squash any feelings of arousal for my husband. It stinks to walk around for days, feeling aroused, and the man you love has no interest in taking you up on those feelings. So when he does touch me I mentally tell myself “resist, resist, resist, don’t enjoy this, you know it’s leading nowhere.”
    I look feminine. Well, except for being way too tall at 5’9, but I’m still shorter than him. I have long blonde hair, and a womanly figure. I’m by no means a supermodel, but it’s not like I have a manly look. But I just don’t seem to interest him as much as he interests me.
    Anyway, I can’t read his signals, and I feel like he’s constantly messing with me.
    So yes, we are backwards. At least in the sex drive, touching, cuddling, initiating departments. And it Drives. Me. Crazy.
    What I wouldn’t give for just one day of knowing what it feels like to be pursued by the man you love.

    • @Me – You might be right, but I can think of many other more likely options.
      Yes, most couples are him chasing her, but some are the other way around. As long as it works, who cares how it looks? Sure it would be nice to be pursued, but you have lost all the rest without gaining anything.
      It sounds to me like your sex life and your marriage is worse off since you decided you were doing it wrong. I suggest you forget what others said is right and go back to what was working.
      Paul Byerly recently posted…Friday Flashback: All Things in Their TimeMy Profile

  3. Love the subject, Paul.

    Studies also show us that oxytocin actually helps us fight more constructively and have more patience with each other.

    There are some pilot programs where they are getting promising results from supplementing oxytocin for those who have autism.

    Fascinating topic!
    Rebecca Watson recently posted…Why Nice Girls Don’t Get the Sex They WantMy Profile

    • @Rebecca Watson – Lost of interesting studies on this out there. It’s not a cure-all, but knowing how to naturally boost oxytocin can certainly help a couple.
      I’ve seen some of the autism and oxytocin data. Seems like an obvious link given what oxytocin does.
      Paul Byerly recently posted…The Way of EscapeMy Profile

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