The issues of asking and answering questions are even trickier when the question is about sex. Fear and uncertainty mean the questions are full of subtext and “statements of fact” which may not be accurate. Below are a few common things men ask, followed by the real question they probably want answered. Of course, men differ, so some of these may not apply to your husband, but most will be true for most men. Some of the “asked questions” are not questions as listed, but trust me, it’s a question!

The Question: “Do you want to have sex?”
The Real Question: “Would you be willing to have sex?”

The Question: “Did you enjoy it?”
The Real Question: Would you please tell me sex is fantastic and you desire me deeply?

The Question: “I’ve heard/read you can ______.” or “Did you know some people _____.”
The Real Question: “Would you think I was a total pervert if I wanted to try _______?”

The Question: “Are you tired?”
The Real Question: “Is it too late to have sex? If not, can we do it before it is?”

The Question: “Are you ready?” or “Are you close”
The Real Question: “Would you be willing to give me feedback so I have some clue what’s going on with you during sex?”

The Question: “Did you climax?”
The Real Question: This could be “Did you climax?” but it could also be “Would you please tell me you enjoyed it?”

The Question: “Does that feel good?”
The Real Question: “Would you tell me how to make you feel good?”

The Question: “I know you don’t like _____”
The Real Question: “Can you tell me why you don’t like it, and what might make it possible to try it?”

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’m learning to ask the real question.

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