In a comment left almost a year ago, Alan said the following:

I told my wife once that sex was 50% of everything. Do the math now. If Wife and I connect sexually, both are satisfied, 50% done. Add now, food (survival) let’s say 20%. Add money, another 20%. Then add emotional stuff 10%. Mess with the numbers at will, but not the 50% sex. Well-being is 100% when we are emotionally/physically doing well.

Now remove sex altogether. -50% to start. Add lack of money and good food and emotions are bad due to family stress issues or long work hours etc. that 50% would be more like 25%.

So on a bad day I am 25% then wife and I get together sexually, twice per week, we add 50% (sex) to our already 25% which equals 75%…not bad! We can make it!

Remove sex in which the wife is indifferent and accusatory; -50% plus 25% you get 25%. Which equals depression, lack of marital vision, temptation and boredom in the marriage.

If that upsets or depresses you, hang on a second.

I would bet Alan feels sexually starved, or, at least, malnourished. When an important need isn’t being met well it becomes more critical in our minds, while everything else becomes less important. For example, if you really, really have to pee, pretty much everything else becomes less important, and finding a restroom becomes your top priorities in life.

Alan is correct in that sex makes everything better for most men. A bad day plus sex is an okay day. A bad day without sex is a very bad day. A bad day and no sex for a week is a horrible day.

When a man’s sexual needs are being met well, sex is not 50%. I’d say it’s less than 20% for most men. When sex is a problem, it becomes much too big a percentage of the whole.

By the way: This same principle is true for you. There are things which are very important, and they become huge if  ignored or short-changed. Perhaps this idea could be used to help your husband understand a few of your strongest needs. He may not agree that for you three days without conversation is like a week without sex for him, but it will, at least, give him something to think about.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I want to know how to give my wife what she most needs.

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