Where is home for you?

RV at MixPark © Paul H. Byerly

As I write this we are staying a few days in a city park in Deer Park, WA. (A lot of small towns provide free or $5 a day RV parking, some with services.) We lived in Deer Park for six years before becoming full-time RVers. By the time you read this we will have moved to our son’s place outside Springdale for the rest of the summer. 

For me, Deer Park and Springdale feel like home. We stayed in Austin last winter. I spent 41 years in Austin, but after being away a decade it no longer feels like home. Then again, after spending a few weeks with friends in Austin, it did feel like home. I can say the same for Richmond, VA where we parked for a week and spent a lot of time with good friends we’d not seen in far too long. Beyond that, the RV feels like home. I sometimes wake up and have to think to know where my home is currently located, but it’s still my home. It’s familiar and all my stuff is here. 

Years ago, long before we started the RV madness, I said to a group of people home is wherever Lori is. I meant it then and now it’s even truer. For me, home is primarily about friends and fellowship. I think I could feel at home anywhere, living in almost anything, so long as I felt I belonged to a community of people in that place.

Lori has different feelings about what is and what isn’t home. Sometimes she feels she doesn’t have a home, other times the people we know and love make it feel like home no matter where we are. Some of her feelings about home come from her childhood, but there’s also the fact she’s a different person than her crazy husband.

What about you? What makes you feel like you’re at home? Do you feel at home where you are now? If not, why not? What would make you feel more at home? Feeling at home is important to our mental health, and as such is important for our marriage. Maybe you need to have a home discussion with hubby.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and there’s no place like home – no matter where we park it!


Help Us Retire

all red tire © Goodyear TireNo, we’re not stopping. We lost some tires this year. The trailer tires still had good tread depth, but at six years they were at their end-of-life. As soon as it got hot we started losing them – two tread separations and one blowout. We now have new tires on all four trailer wheels and a spare we trust to get us to the next town. We’ll also need four of the six truck tires replaced – we’ve driven them down to the edge of safety. Mounted we’re looking at roughly $200 a tire, for eight tires total.

If you can help, click here for ways to give to this need. We’ll show progress with a tire that starts out red and becomes black to show the percent raised. THANKS! 


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6 Comments on “Home

  1. “Home can be the Pennsylvania turnpike
    Indiana’s early morning dew
    High up in the hills of California
    Home is just another word for you.”
    -billy Joel

  2. Probably there is a reason why women are called ‘home makers’ and you have written previously about a woman’s need for ‘home’. You’ve made youselves like the Master who said, ‘Foxes have lairs and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to rest his head.”

    I wish I could help you with the tires, but since my second job is on hiatus, I am cash-poor until September. Please remind us again –

  3. I wanted to thank you publicly, Paul, for all your counsel and information. I am convinced it kept me from filing for a divorce. I was so tired of the conflict, the pain, the emotionally destructive sex, and the feeling of doom when I thought, “I’m married to him with no grounds for divorce. It’s obey God and die inside or leave and step out of God’s Will.”

    My huge “Ah, ha” moment was learning what sex meant to men. I was married ten years and had no idea it was anything other than some recreational amusement for my husband. I cried for two days when I realized how rejected he must have felt all these years. When he got home from his trip, I got down on my knees and asked him to forgive me after explaining I honestly didn’t know or understand before telling him “Anywhere, anytime, as much as you want. I love you.” He dropped his head against mine and told me, “All these years I thought I was a house and a paycheck to you. You really care about….me?” before he started to cry.

    Things got much worse as we had to deal now with problems we had suppressed, but we are at the tail end of it.

    A month ago, my husband caught my eye across a room. I smiled at him and went back to washing dishes. He kept staring at me. When I walked over to ask what was wrong, he told me, “I just realized that I can look at you without feeling angry. You’re really pretty, aren’t you, Sarah? I feel like I haven’t really seen YOU for years.” He hugged me before telling me, “I don’t know why you did, but thank you for staying, Sarah. I promise the next ten will be nothing like first. I will never hurt you like that again. I didn’t understand what I was doing either. I never meant to so crush you inside. No wonder you would cry so much. I was ripping out your heart. No more. Forgive me.”

    If someone had told me even three months ago, I would be running into my husband’s arms before he eagerly kissed me, I would have never, ever believed them. And I think my husband would have never believed that he has a high drive wife whose been frustrated all these years, but he does now.

    Thank you for everything, Paul.

    • @Sarah – I’m so glad our words have been of help. It’s amazing how things can change when we gain understanding of why our spouse does what s/he does.
      Please know Lori continue to pray for you.
      Paul Byerly recently posted…Hooks to the FutureMy Profile

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