I’ve never written about headship and submission here because I don’t want to be that guy telling women about submitting. But a recent comment pushed me over the line. A woman said she was trying to be “subservient”*.

How does the image above make you feel? Isn’t she a nice, subservient wife?

Personally, the image makes me ill. I’m mad at him and I worry about her. I believe in headship and submission, but what I see there is something else – something ugly and probably abusive.

About a month ago I wrote a post for TGH entitled I Want An Ezer Kenegdo. I started that post by saying “I’ve never wanted a “little woman” who would cook, clean up, tell me how smart and strong I am, and have duty sex on command. I don’t want an assistant, I want a full partner in this adventure we call life.” Too much of what I’ve seen presented as “headship” has nothing to do with the servant leadership I see husbands commanded to live.

If you’re an egalitarian, I understand. If I felt I had to choose between egalitarian and what has been offered as headship by most, I’d have to choose egalitarian as both the lesser of two evils and closer to the truth of the Bible. I think true, biblical headship is something very different than what many of us have been taught. A man is to sacrifice for and serve his wife, just as Jesus did for the church.

But I don’t want to advocate headship here; I want to correct the idea that God wants a woman to be her husband’s unpaid servant. While men and women are different  and have some differences in gifts and callings, we are equally loved and valued by God. Each of you is His daughter, and He hasn’t given you to your husband as a slave, toy, or possession. Your husband is supposed to be building you up, helping you become the woman God intended. 

* I may have misinterpreted what the women who said “subservient” meant. The dictionary defines it as “less important or subordinate”. God has not called any women to be less important than or subordinate to her husband.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I hate it when men act like the guy in the picture!

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