This won’t apply to many of you, but you may have friends who are this way. This is a bit of a rant and a bit me asking for a clue.

I recently saw a comment (not on this blog) where a woman said her husband was “good man” and then went on to talk about how he had no feelings for her, only cares about his own needs, and showed no concern for her feelings or needs. Basically, she said, “He’s a good man, but he’s selfish and does nothing for me.”

What on earth does the whole “good man” thing mean in this context?

I’ve seen this many times in comments and emails, and we’ve heard it from women we talk with. But I don’t hear men saying “She’s a good woman, but…” In fact, Google returns almost ten times as many hits for “he’s a good man, but” as “she’s a good woman, but”.

I’ve heard some pretty bad “buts” after “he’s a good man” – physical or sexual abuse of the wife, emotional abuse of the wife or kids, drunkenness, drug addiction, and so on. 

Can someone help me understand what “A good man” means and how this clause is supposed to modify the ugly stuff that follows it? 

~ Paul – I’m XY, and my wife is a good woman, with no but! (But a nice butt!)

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