Sex Should Be Fun and Playful

If you stop and think about sex for a moment, you realise God has a sense of humour. As great as sex is, it can be pretty odd at times, and it’s certainly not a serious, orderly way to procreate or make a couple one flesh.

Sex Should Be Fun and Playful

Having a sense of humour about sex helps when things don’t go as you want: you can’t get into a new position, someone moves wrong and one of you gets hurt, your body makes a horrible noise, or one of you says something nonsensical just before or after orgasm. 

Beyond humour, a sense of playfulness is a great thing to bring to bed. From first hint to final sigh, sex should be about playing. Be silly and tease each other. Enjoy each other and let things go where they will. Experiment with new things without any fear of what might or might not happen. 

If your sex life has lacked fun you can change it. Make small changes at first, and be sure some of them benefit him. Test the boundaries in a light-hearted way, and encourage hubby to do the same. Take the pressure off of sex and make it something you both enjoy well beyond the physical pleasure of orgasm. 

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’m all about fun.

Related Article: 10 Tips for Talking to Your Husband About Your Sex Life | To Love, Honor and Vacuum 

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17 Comments on “Sex Should Be Fun and Playful

  1. I have always struggled with thinking of sex as fun or playful because it is so powerful and frightening. When sex is part of how we’ve been deeply hurt, adjectives such as “fun” and “playful” don’t fit. In my mind, to play means to take lightly, or at least not take seriously, and baring my body, heart and soul is a very, very serious matter. If hubby indicates otherwise, I immediately check out emotionally. To play with my body is to play with my heart. No one has my permission to play with my heart.

    • @Andrew Budek-Schmeisser – Yeah, my sense of humour is a bit of an acquired taste – especially when it’s undiluted. I say things that Lori enjoys that would not be a good idea to say to most women. And for the most part I don’t have to pull my punches, she really enjoys how I am.
      Paul Byerly recently posted…Famous Last Words: I Can Do It Myself!My Profile

  2. I love when my hubby and I laugh during sex, it makes our lovemaking so much relaxed and fun! And usually I’m the one to laugh out loud in the middle of sex because of our grunting and groaning when changing positions or whatever. And then we’ll both have a good laugh!

    Actually the other day during a very intense climax I was having, I suddenly burst out laughing. It took me by surprise and my hubby too, and I couldn’t even explain what happened to cause that kind of reaction at that very intense moment except it was just a way of releasing all these emotions I’ve been having lately due to an empty nest and starting through menopause. I felt stupid for it, but then hubby just smiled and laughed with me. It was actually the best orgasm I’ve ever had. ;)

    So yes, have fun! Life’s too short to be so serious especially when sharing something to beautiful with your spouse.
    Amy recently posted…Find healing from hidden abuseMy Profile

  3. I can see where sexual intimacy could make a wonderful playground IF both partners have a healthy sexual attitude. Sadly, there are many women who haven’t experienced sex as fun or playful and many men who only think of their own arousal and pleasure which automatically takes the word fun out of the equation for a woman.

    Personally, if my husband uses the words fun, play, and sex in the same sentence, I cringe.

    Some of that comes from the stories I heard during my sexual assault victim advocate days but I think most of it has something to do with my “sex is for men” upbringing. It conjures up visions of a man using a woman’s body as a play thing to satisfy his own personal pleasure. Much like the pornographic images of today re-enforce. Unhealthy I know, but ingrained it is. Obviously something I will be working on for a long time to come.

  4. Oh, I wish! I’m so worried I’m going to do something wrong, look stupid, look too fat, etc. And of course I carry those extra ten pounds all in my tummy, and I worry so much about trying to position myself in a way that he won’t notice. My husband has a much lower drive as it is, and so I don’t want to do anything that would turn him off.
    And believe it or not, I used to be such a fun, carefree type person. It wasn’t until our sexual issues became a big deal that I became so worried and uptight. I miss the old me. It is so great that you can have fun. I wish I could, too, but right now I’m at the point where I’m just glad if it happens at all.

  5. Reading the comments makes me sad. Not in a nasty condescending way, but just…my heart aches. I too am a survivor of sexual abuse, and for years I used promiscuity as a way to try to put a Band-Aid on that pain. Of course that didn’t work, and just led to more pain. By the time I married my husband, I was carrying a lot of sexual/emotional mess. But my husband has taught me what Paul is describing here. Sex can be fun, playful, and I have experienced more freedom seeing it this way than I ever have. Intimacy Seeker, I understand what you mean about playing with your body being equal to playing with your heart. My heart and body were both played with (often simultaneously) over the years, so for a long time I equated this, too. My husband has done a lot of work, reassuring and comforting, to help me get to a place where I can see that my heart is safe with him, even when sex is playful. He somehow manages to blend play and humor with tenderness and comfort..sometimes I still can’t wrap my mind around how he does that. Maybe start asking God to help you and your husband with this issue, if it’s something you would want to work on?

  6. This post reminds me of old Sierra On-Line’s slogan: “Making Fun is Serious Business.”

    Our sex like definitely has gotten better as we’d put more fun in to it.

  7. This post only applies to spouses that feel comfortable and at ease with each other. The couples that have been separated emotionally or feel distant with each other, play or fun sex can actually feel like abuse. And sadly once you get to that point, way back is difficult and many times impossible.

  8. Since our sex life has been restored, we both take a much easier approach to each other. Yes, it’s serious and intense, but yes, it’s also full of joy and fun. Sometimes the good emotions run so deep that laughing seems to be the least appropriate response. Other times, we can’t help but laugh, sometimes at ourselves, when the signs of age cause some unexpected things to happen. (You know you’re getting older when part of foreplay is smearing the Australian Dream ointment on knees and hips!) But that’s part of being in this earthly body. I’m glad God designed us the way He did. To take something as unlikely as our sexual organs and make them such a gift of pleasure and joy, shows His love, and probably His sense of humor a bit, too.

      • Thanks, B, but I certainly can’t take credit for it. God has done some amazing things for, and to, my wife and me in the recent past, exchanging “beauty for ashes” in our marriage, including our sexual relations. I willingly give Him all the credit and glory. I want to try to encourage you in one area, especially. I see over and over again about women who have body image problems, and I know that can be a real barrier to sexual pleasure and joy. Here’s my take on it:

        My wife struggled with weight most of her life, and even though she now has victory in that area, there are battle scars. There are stretch marks, some loose skin, and many regrets over lost time. In my view, she’s beautiful. Those stretch marks are from bearing my children, and all the rest are battle scars from her spiritual victory in the area of weight loss. Maybe it’s a man thing (men are proud of scars, however ugly, received in battle), but to me all those things are beautiful. And I’m no cinema studmuffin: love handles, joint pain, and scars from open heart surgery. In the eyes of the world, I’m no prize. But when we make love, it’s more than two bodies joining. It’s two hearts and souls, two people who have been through a lot together, and who know that the God who brought us this far will carry us forward until He calls us home. Try to keep a heavenly perspective on everything that happens in this fallen world.

        I think it was one of Paul Byerly’s MB Tweets that said, Do you want sex, or do you want your spouse sexually? It’s two different things. I hope all husbands will take up the challenge of being Ephesians 5 husbands. And wives, if your husband is not walking with the Lord as he should, keep praying for him, for your marriage, and for yourself. Support each other in prayer, words, and actions, and remember that God honors obedience to Him. Everything we encounter in this world is a tool in His hands to conform us to Christ.

        In the meantime, try to revel, when possible, in the beauty of married sex. God is so good!

  9. I think switching to a new position or stop to give your partner some manual or oral pleasure. Along with helping you last longer, this will give you a more interesting and varied sexual experience.

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