I’ve mentioned several times that sex is a form of connection for men. Just as you need to feel connected to have great sex, he needs to be sexual with you to feel truly connected.

I know this to be true both from personal experience and from talking with many men. This is how men function, and I’m convinced we function this way because God made us this way. And yet, I was surprised by the results of our Pleasure, Release, and Connection survey. When asked the relative importance of pleasure, connection, and release from sex, 61% of men said connection was the most important! Given how much men enjoy the pleasure of sex and need release from their sex drive, this is an amazing number. 

Rather than saying more, I’ll let some of the men speak through the comments they left on the survey:

• I feel like my emotions are unlocked, and can flow easier when my wife and I have connected sex.
• Hard to have one without the other. But I enjoy connection at the end very much.
• If it had only been about release and pleasure then masturbation would have been satisfying, but it was not.
• My wife thinks it is only for the release not understanding my need to be close to her.
• I’m a man and it’s all about connection.
• It’s clearly the connection is the first and most important.
• As I mature I am more aware of the significance of connection.
• [I]t really all seems shallow without the close, personal connection I share with my wife.
• After this many years of marriage it feels so good to be connected to one another.

By the way: Our current survey is Do You Lube? 

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I want and need more with my wife than sex, but sex is an important part of how I get there.

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