Do you ever feel your husband is less mature than you are? I suspect it’s a common feeling among wives.

I have heard a fair number of women describe their husband as a child. You know, the woman who has three children but says she has four. Some of this may be deserved (but it’s still a bad plan to say it – see Lori’s Who He Is vs. His Behavior post), but I suspect much of it has more to do with gender lines. For example, a wife having a public fit about her husband playing with his son in a rambunctious way every man thinks is fine.

We learn very different sets of rules growing up. Much of that should not be, but it is. In general, boys are given more freedom and less responsibility. (Or maybe girls aren’t given enough freedom and too much responsibility?) This affects how we see maturity and what we find immature. Seeing something as immature is a problem if it’s really a difference of opinion. If nothing bad comes of it, maybe letting it go is the wise, and mature, thing to do.

One danger in this is feeling you need to balance things out. If you think he’s being immature you have to be extra mature. This may feel smart, but it just makes things worse. (And another nod to my wife, see Does Your Husband Pull You Off Center?) This puts you in the place of being the one who says no, which isn’t good for you, for him, or for the kids.

If you find yourself in a maturity struggle in your marriage, please consider that you may have been programmed to be too vigilant about this. Maybe you need to learn to cut-up and have some fun. It could be good for you, for your marriage, and for your family.

~ Paul – I’m XY and I can be mature when I have to be.

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