Why “Don’t You Agree” Can Be A Trap
Have you ever said “Don’t you agree?” to your husband?
While this can seem innocent enough, it’s not. This is seeking a yes or no answer for what may be a complex multi-issue thing. For example: “I think we should stay home this Christmas because the kids get cranky when we travel and your family is always horrible to us.” Maybe he would like to stay home but does not agree with one or both of the other things you said.
This can also be more of a vote between you and someone else. For example “Lori said ‘blah, blah, blah’, but I think she’s wrong – don’t you agree?” This can be seen as more about the people than the ideas.
A much better question is “What do you think?’
And yes, men do this too, and it’s just as wrong. My suggestion if you’re on the receiving end of this is to reply by saying what you think. Start with where you agree (if you agree at all) and then share where you differ.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I hope you agree with this post!