Why Erections Are A Part of Snuggling

Ever felt this way? You’re having a nice non-sexual snuggle and then he ruins it by having an erection.

Why Erections Are A Part of Snuggling

Why can’t he just enjoy being close without making it all about sex? Is that all he ever thinks about?

Here’s the thing, he loves you. He enjoys you, and he wants you. Being close to you is arousing because of his feelings for you and how God made him.

  • Does his erection mean he’s horny? Maybe. But maybe not. The amount of arousal needed for an erection can be low, and it might not be enough to get him to the point of wanting sex. This is especially true if he’s older, low drive, tired, or having all the sex he wants.
  • Does his snuggle induced erection mean you owe him sex? No. But offering would be a generous thing to do.

My suggestion is to ignore it on some occasions, make an offer on some, and just grab it and do something nice with it on rare occasions. And always see it as an indication he likes you!

~ Paul – I’m XY, and the little guy sometimes has a mind of its own.

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17 Comments on “Why Erections Are A Part of Snuggling

  1. Ruins it???!!!

    Why would arousal on his part ruin it??!! I love when I can get him erect! It is my super power. Lol!

  2. Errctions are so complicated! I struggle with believing my husband funds me attractive. I don’t know if he’s ever gotten an erection from snuggling. I know there have been times when I thought we were headed somewhere and I “check” and there’s no erection happening and so I know he’s not nearly as interested as he claims to be.

    Then I do some reading online, and I find out that men get erections at the drop off a hat when they are “interested” – even if the woman is not their wife. That’s so depressing! I mean I guess I could understand that it’s uncontrollable, but if my husband is with me in a situation where things are heating up and nothing happens “down there”, but then I read online that all it takes is a random woman and s stray thought to get most men wound up, then how do you think it makes me feel if there are times when I – his wife – can’t get him wound up, even if we go beyond snuggling, and even if he lies and says he thinks I’m beautiful and he loves me and my body? It makes me feel like an ugly, unloved loser. I know enough not to say anything when it happens, but I think he can tell how badly I feel that I can’t even arouse my own husband (who is only on his 40s, so age is no excuse).

    All of that to say, I’d be so happy if my husband loved me enough to get an erection from snuggling, but as of now, he doesn’t find me enough for that to happen. So ladies, if it happens to your man, he loves you, is hot for you, and you should be thankful!

    • I used to feel this way. My husband doesn’t erect every time we cuddle. Even when he knows sex is going to happen, he isn’t always erect. He is still attracted to me. He still finds pleasure in cuddling or pressing his non erect penis against me.

      When we first met hubby was always getting aroused. After nearly two decades together things are different. Just like we wives don’t get big butterflies and pounding hearts of romance every time we look at our husbands or every time he walks in the door.

      You are probably breaking your own heart and missing out on loving opportunities because you are misjudging your husband simply based on the blood flow levels of his penis. Love, attraction, affection, arousal are so much more than just that.

    • @AnonyWife – For what it’s worth men find it confusing as well. We get erect when we don’t want to be and can’t figure out why it’s happening, and/or we don’t get erect when we want to and are doing things that should cause it. Sometimes we can attribute slowness of erection to being tired or stressed, but sometimes it just seems totally random.
      What I shared here is the norm, but there are variations. Some men get erections all the time for next to nothing while others usually only get them when they need them. The mind can play a part here – why bother getting an erection if you’re not going to use it?
      Another thing to understand is erections are not on or off. A partial erection won’t show and may not be felt, but it’s still a response.
      There are three erection pathways – what a man sees, what he thinks, and physical stimulation. Physical is the surest path, visual is the least sure. I suspect how well each of those works varies from man to man, but I’ve never seen research on it.
      If you can get your hubby erect when your making love, it’s all good!
      Paul Byerly recently posted…Friday Flashback: Dear Journal … (Why It’s Good For You)My Profile

    • Anon.–have your Hubs go to the doctor and have his testosterone level checked. A few years back, we discovered that mine was very low and so the doc put me on a T-replacement medication. Within three weeks, we were surprised by me experiencing “morning wood.”; we realized that it had been years since I had been having those and we realized that my T-level had been low for some time. It’s worth checking out.
      CSL recently posted…Twain on Relationships, pt. 1My Profile

  3. Paul, I think I have gotten the most out of your posts explaining these man-things that we women can never fully understand. I read your post on ‘why he pokes you’ early in my marriage and it really helped me to understand that. The same with what you’ve written today. If we cuddle and that happens, I just ask ‘do you want a little something?’ and if he’s in the mood, we do, and if it’s just one of those things, we don’t, and if he’s undecided, I help him make up his mind :-)

    My happy, healthy husband is in his 70s and he has that morning phenomenon that CSL mentioned, quite frequently.

  4. I think the the female gender should be the last to disassociate cuddling from sex. Aren’t they the ones that complain that they are not in the mood because their husbands haven’t shown them enough “non-sexual” attention during the day. This artificial separation of sexual and non-sexual is non-sense. My wife tells me that when I put my hand on the small of her back that it is arousing. That is not my intent. Am I to blame for her response? At the bottom of a wife’s negative reaction to her husband’s erection must lie the idea that there is something inferior to sex or that there is something inferior to his response. Bad! way of thinking.

    • “At the bottom of a wife’s negative reaction to her husband’s erection must lie the idea that there is something inferior to sex or that there is something inferior to his response. Bad! way of thinking.”

      1. Please don’t presume to know the minds of women. The whole point of this entire blog site is that men and women don’t think alike, (and even not all women think like each other!) and we need to acknowledge that and stop making assumptions. We also need to be generous in our estimation of others’ motives and thoughts.

      2. I can only speak for myself, but my negative reaction to my husband’s erection while cuddling went more like this: He cuddles, I think: “Oh, that’s really nice, he saw how hard my day was, he wants to do something caring for me.” Aw, melt. Cue erection. I think: “Ugh, he didn’t even care about me after all! He just wanted something from me. I should have known.” I didn’t see it as something inferior in his response, the problem was that I didn’t see it as a *response* to cuddling. I saw it as his *motive* for cuddling.

      This was also a bad way of thinking, and is another example of making assumptions. Once he explained that he didn’t cuddle me in order to get sex, but he is just so attracted to me it’s impossible to not get an erection during cuddling, that made all the difference in the world. This is Paul telling all the women whose husbands didn’t think to say it themselves.

      • @T – What you describe in #2 leads to problems for guys. They try to hide an erection, which is saying my sexuality is bad, or they avoid snuggling because they fear their wife will become aware of their erection and be hurt or upset.
        Such a mess!
        Paul Byerly recently posted…Anger Is a Good Way to Nuke Your MarriageMy Profile

  5. Great simple article .. but if it was only this simple.. some great well rounded comments ?

  6. Don’t women sometimes become aroused while cuddling? They can just hide it better. Sorry! Men have no control over their erections, and every erections does not mean arousal, just as the lack of one does not mean the opposite. I don’t think that it is fair to blame someone for something that they cannot control. T, I stand by my original statement that you quoted. You may be an exception, but you are a rare one. If women didn’t object to men becoming aroused (sexual), then we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Therefore, non-arousal is superior to arousal in their way of thinking.

    • @Charlie O – Would guess fewer women get aroused by snuggling, and generally to a lesser extent. As for hiding it, they may be unaware of it because they don’t have a reliable feedback mechanism like men do.
      Part of the reason for this discussion is some women don’t understand what an erection means and does not mean. Some men get erect at virtually nothing, and for such men, an erection may not mean arousal. Some men get erections when they don’t want sex at all, which is no doubt annoying. Other men need to be significantly aroused to have a noticeable erection.
      If a woman thinks an erection means “I’m going to be upset if we don’t have sex ASAP” then I can see why she might get upset at an erection from cuddling.
      Paul Byerly recently posted…This Year, Give the Gift of the You She NeedsMy Profile

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