Not Too Big, Not Too Small, Just Right!
We all have expectations, it’s part of being human. Sane expectations can be good, but some expectations can cause problems for a marriage.
There are two ways this goes bad – expectations that are too high, and those that are too low.
When expectations are too high it’s either impossible or destructive to meet them. When you place such expectations on yourself you will be forever down on yourself for “failing”. When you place such expectations on others you seem unloving and impossible to please. Some folks will try to meet the expectations and eventually burn out, while others will just write you off as impossible and not try at all.
It’s been said lowering your expectations is a sure way to avoid disappointment and ensure happiness. To some degree, I suppose this is true, but if you or others never work to surpass too low expectations it results in a very small and boring life.
Do Some Communicating
It’s pretty common for Lori and me to talk to a couple and find one of them is trying to live up to an expectation the other has never put on them. They assume it because a parent or someone from a past relationship expected that thing of them. If you get all the expectations on the table you may find it’s not as bad as you think.
If there are expectations you feel are too high, talk about it. Is it too high in general, or is it too high because of your current stage of life? Is there a compromise you can both live with? Or maybe if it really matters to one of you, then that person needs to take care of it.
~ Paul I’m XY and years later Lori and I both know we were trying to meet expectations that were never expected of us.
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