This question is the result of an email from one of you. Her husband is the only man she’s seen naked, but from what she’s read she thinks he’s fairly well endowed. Her husband says he’s not concerned about his size, but when the wife comments on it being large he’s obviously pleased. The question was how concerned are men with the size of their penis; I’m going to cover a slightly wider issue that includes feelings about size.

I don’t think any woman has the same relationship with any part of her sexual parts that a man has with his penis. If your first thought reading that was “I don’t have a relationship with my body parts” you have found the real issue. While relationship might be a bit too strong a word, most men do personify their penis to some degree. This is especially true at younger ages.

We knew our penis was something special even before we knew what it was for and what it could do. We figured out it could make us feel good long before puberty, and our orgasm took it to a completely new level. Most men put their sex drive/desire on their penis, and many look at it almost as a separate entity demanding to be “fed”. Some of this is probably wanting to separate ourselves from responsibility (it wasn’t me, my penis made me do it) and some of it comes from the reality we don’t have nearly as much control over it as we would like.

All of this leads to men putting way too much of their sense of masculinity on their penis. This is why size becomes such a big deal to most men. 

Even if a man knows better in his mind, odds are he still wants his wife to be impressed with his penis. Not just “I like it”, he wants you to be impressed. If complimenting him on his size feels odd or untrue, find other things to compliment. How hard he gets, how fast he gets erect, how long he lasts, that he stays erect till you’re done, or how much he ejaculates (yes really; it’s weird, but a lot of guys care about that).

As always men are not all the same; some men take this to an extreme while others have left much of it behind. But most men feel this to some degree.

Bottom line: He has more riding on his penis than you have on any of your sexual parts. If you think that’s silly please keep it to yourself! 

~ Paul – I’m XY and the title of this post is almost or not quite a joke. 

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