A Week of All the Sex He Can Handle

This will be a radical idea for some of you but hear me out. If your husband has a higher drive than you have, or you both enjoy sex but are just too busy to have it as often as you both want, then offer him a week of all the sex he can handle.

A Week of All the Sex He Can Handle

First, please notice I did NOT say all the sex he wants, I said all he can handle. This is not about those things he wants that you don’t want, this is about quantity. Ideally, there will be a point in the week when you offer sex and he’s unwilling or unable to do it. Every man should find his sexual limit at least once!

Yes, this is going to take some planning. If he’s young, and even if he’s not, he may be able to climax more times in a day than you can imagine. At least the first few days. You need to schedule this for a week when you have the time and energy to deliver on the promise.

Again, this about quantity, so don’t make yourself sore. Offer him his preference when you can, but offer him something else when you should.

Won’t He Expect if Every Week?

I know some women will be unwilling to do this out of fear their hubby will then expect it all the time. However, this can be a great way to help him understand reality. Make sure he knows you cleared time for this and chose a week when it would be possible. If he wants this much sex all the time something will have to change to make it possible. The other side of this is you will help him understand he does have a limit by helping him find it. A lot of guys think they can do it three times a day every day because they have done it three times in one day on a few occasions. In reality, a few days of their maximum ability will take them to a point where both their desire and their ability to have sex come up against limits. He will probably come out of the week realising what he needs to be fully satisfied is much less than he thought.

How Do I Enact This?

I’d tell him flat out what you have planned. Tell him you want to give him a week of all the sex he can handle. Tell him the week you have picked, or work it out with him. Explain you’ll need to schedule it at a time when you can do it right.

If it helps, we have some coupons you can use over on The Marriage Bed. Download the DOC files, add text, and print. Or grab the PDF, print, then write in your text. There are a couple of Christmas coupons at the top of the page, and one especially for sex at the bottom.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I know most husbands would love this gift.

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25 Comments on “A Week of All the Sex He Can Handle

  1. Ha! My husband doesn’t want to have sex with me at all, so I guess I give him all the sex he can handle every day! LOL

  2. Hahaha! I did this for my husband for Christmas 3 years ago. It ended up being 10 times over the course of 3 days and I was so shocked! And yes, I was insanely sore. We had to take a week off, but it was kind of awesome to have that experience pre-parenthood! Highly recommend!

  3. I am going to have to stop reading your blog, because every time I read it I feel bad that my husband doesn’t want these things and doesn’t act like this and isn’t interested in all the sex. I always feel like something is wrong in our relationship because of how it seems like all men “should” be. It’s very difficult when you are on the other side of the fence wishing that it were more like what it seems everyone else’s husband does or wants. I am deciding to give up negative thinking and feeling in the new year and constantly feeling like I am missing this is going to be on the list of things to go. Sorry.

    • @Lisa – I know there are marriages where this is reversed, and I’ve talked about it a few times. It’s estimated this is the reality for a quarter of wives now. I’m sorry you are in that group.
      If reading causes you problems, then please do stop. Or just ignore Friday, which is when I cover sex.
      Paul Byerly recently posted…Protecting Her From FamilyMy Profile

    • I am sorry that you find yourself in this scenario. It seems that the idea of the “sex-starved wife” (to borrow from the title of Michelle Weiner-Davis’s book) has only recently came up on our radar, and we (Christians and non-Christians) still operate from the old stereotypes. There are too few spaces dedicated to the high drive wife. I enjoyed Annabel’s “spice and love” blog while she was blogging. Here blog is still there, but she is no longer actively blogging (https://spiceandlove.wordpress.com/about-me/ ).
      I am beginning to wonder why we insist on issuing these kind of challenges from the stereotypically gendered point of view. Even if the stereotype is 75% accurate (far from justifying the stereotype, IMO), I see no reason why we cannot issue these challenges in gender-neutral terms — challenging ‘low desire spouses’ to “offer [your high desire spouse] a week of all the sex he/she can handle.”

  4. Well, I have turned my husband into a sex machine by offering him frequent sex. I was leery of sex when I married and was reassured when he said he and his late wife had sex once a month or so. Luckily, I have adapted, because it’s a rare week that it isn’t four or five times. After fasting from sex for four days for his PSA test, we had sex thirteen times in four days. On the one hand, I was amazed but on the other hand, (and I did tell him this), that was way too much for me. It takes a lot of time out of my week but it is good quality relationship time, and I love that he is happy and healthy and enjoying life, because he is SEVENTY EIGHT YEARS OLD and no foolin’. (I am 20 years younger.) I go back and forth between thinking, wow, he is amazing and wow, I wonder if something is wrong with him :-)

    • @MTSBA – Your hubby is above average for his age, but not by as much as you might think. I’ve talked to several 70 something men who have sex pretty much daily. Being retired is a big help to this – giving them both the time and the energy. I will say 13 times in four days is rather impressive for a man his age.
      BTW, regular sex is correlated with a long healthy life, and solid sexual function is a good indicator of health, especially heart health.
      Paul Byerly recently posted…Things That Don’t Get You SexMy Profile

  5. I would love to give my husband this gift, but I am sure it would horrify him as opposed to thrill him. He’s always saying he wishes he knew how to make me feel beautiful or get me to believe he loves me. But alas, the one thing that would boost my self esteem and make me feel loved, is often the last thing he wants to do. I’d love to have sex more than once a week, but I’m one of those wives who has a husband who isn’t really interested in her. I’d love it if he would initiate once in a while, instead of always making me do it. I feel like I have to beg to be loved, instead of being a normal wife who attracts her husband. The crazy part is, I kind of think he does love me, but he just doesn’t understand (or care?) how deeply this hurts me.

    I get that this is the case in a small percentage of marriages, and I get that it’s painful for husbands to be rejected, but I think it’s harder for wives because it does feel like – all other wives are constantly being pursued by their husbands, what’s so wrong with me?

    So yes, for the lucky ladies who have husbands that desire them, I say – go for it! He will probably love it. For the rest of us, well, I know this would only end up hurting both of us, so I’m gonna have to pass.

    I love my husband very much, and wouldn’t trade him for anything. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t often wonder what it would be like to be seen as attractive, desireable, and loveable. Just once I’d like to know what it feels like to be wanted instead of pacified. I’ve asked him 100 times what he’d like me to change and he always answers “nothing, I love you so much, just the way you are.” I am trying to stop being down and instead hold on to hope that one day he will find me even a smidgen as desireable as most men find their lovely wives. There’s always hope! But in the meantime, it stinks knowing I don’t measure up.

    • Even though I am very sex positive and often the initiator (most of the time, actually), and tell hubby how much I love sex and orgasm, and am the more adventurous spouse, my husband still has this idea that sex is for the man and it is polite and caring of him to actually refuse me and withhold it. For example, I wanted sex for this past Mother’s Day. He wouldn’t give me sex because, “that’s not a gift for you. That’s a gift for me! That’s me getting sex from you!” For my birthday I wanted sex and told him ahead of time and it was still like pulling teeth to convince him.

      B, maybe your husband has that mistaken idea. Maybe he thinks he is being a good husband by not having so much sex with you.

      How is sex when you have it? Even if it is rather vanilla, do you both enjoy it?

      • Oh it’s awesome when we have it, and we usually both orgasm. It’s just for some mystery reason, he doesn’t really like having sex all that much. I mean, he enjoys it when it happens, he just doesn’t seem to care if it happens or not. He also doesn’t really like to talk about it that much.

        A few months ago I asked him “how often would you like to have sex?” Of course I got the standard “I don’t know”. So I said, okay, I’ll go first. “I’d like to have sex every day, but I’d be happy with every other day.” He said, “okay, we could do that.” You wanna know how many times we’ve done it every other day since that conversation? ZERO. ZIP. NADA. Once a week. Once a week and I’m pretty sure it’s pity sex or shut-her-up sex. I try to hold out and not initiate to see if he ever will. Usually not. Maybe once every other month or so. I usually crack because I live and desire him far, far, far more.

        • My husband rarely initiates, too. I usually get the ball rolling. It isn’t my ideal, but it is my reality, so I accept it and make the best of it.

        • My husband also tends to cover me up during sex. I used to translate this as he was hiding my body from his view because he didn’t like it. Turns out he much prefers the peek a boo to all out nudity. He also closes his eyes while I build to climax. I used to think this was because he was fantasizing about other women or “going through his rolodex.” Turns out he has to close his eyes to concentrate on not climaxing before me.

          I say all that to tell you that despite evidence being “clear” in our minds that our husbands can’t stand us, there is most often another explanation. I was convinced he didn’t want to see my body and fantasized about other women and believed the evidence before me, but I was wrong.

        • @B – Some men, and more women, are like this. When they have sex they enjoy it, but they don’t seem to desire or crave it, and it’s like they don’t remember how much they enjoy it from time to time. I suspect it’s a combination of childhood junk and being too busy.

          • I wonder sometimes if the assumption that something must be wrong is a good assumption. I particularly see this part of the discussion in the debate around flibanserin/Addyi and discussion around asexuality. Is it possible that these people (men and women) who do not desire or crave sex the way us “normal” were “made” that way, or do we believe that God could not possible have made any of us with low libido or less craving for sex?

            • @MrShorty,

              Good questions. From the many years I’ve worked in the medical field, I can tell you that no two people are the same. We all have our own unique genetic makeup. Even when a specific medication works for “most” people, it doesn’t work the same for all people. I’ve often wondered why it seems so many of us assume that everyone should want and enjoy sex the same way. That would almost be an impossible feat, yet we seem to think there is something wrong with a person with a low (or non robust) sex drive. Why?
              Why is it so hard for us to accept that some people biologically don’t have strong sex drives like most “normal” people.

              • @MrShorty, @Jolie
                Yes, there are folks who don’t have “normal” sex desire. Lori and I have talked to one such person, a woman. [BTW, while she has no interest in sex, she knows her husband does and she is very good about providing sex for him. He’s getting more than a lot of men married to women who have a sex drive.]
                But for every person who really doesn’t have a sex drive, there are many who have one but have suppressed it for some reason. I suspect women do this more than men, but plenty of men do it too.
                I would say most who say they have no sex drive actually do have a drive. If this is the case, then helping them find it is a good thing. The trick is knowing which a person is. I suspect someone who understands it could tell from an honest Q&A.
                Paul Byerly recently posted…What Post Does She Wish You’d Followed?My Profile

    • @B – From what you have said, his workload may be a far bigger part of this than either of you know. When I was 20 something I could work 70 hours and still want sex all the time. At 55 working too many hours really hurts my sexuality.
      Paul Byerly recently posted…Things That Don’t Get You SexMy Profile

  6. Hubby and I maxed out at 6 times in about 24 hours. :D We were both a bit done. :D Fun times. We usually like to do it 1-2 times a day, depending on how much the baby keeps us up. I’ll have to see what he thinks of this…

    • @HappilyMarried, wow! Good for you!! That’s like a dream come true. I’d be happy if my husband loved me 1/8 that much. It’s a good week if my husband will agree to 1-2 a week! And our kids are bigger, so no issues there. I’ve always dreamt about what it would be like if my husband found me desireable. You are blessed! No wonder you are happily married! ? That is so incredible that he loves you so much and wants to be with you that often. I can only dream…

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