Are Sex Toys Okay For Christians Couples?
Last year I saw several female Christians write less than glowing posts about sex toys. Most of them didn’t call sex toys sinful (thanks for that, ladies) but they each had concerns, and based on that recommended against sex toys. I’m not going to mention any names here (I don’t even recall most of them), but I am going to address some of the common reasons given for sex toys being a bad plan.
- The places you have to go to buy them: There are plenty of clean places to buy sex toys, including Christian owned sites. This was a valid issue at one time, but it hasn’t been for more than a decade now.
- Toys focus on physical pleasure rather than emotional and spiritual intimacy: Good sex is about body, mind, and soul. No one needs a sex toy to become unbalanced in this. Besides, if the physical is difficult a toy might help with the balance.
- It will interfere with intimacy: I’ve never been a woman, but I would imagine not knowing when or if you will have an orgasm interferes with intimacy big time. I often wonder if women who speak against sex toys find climax easy.
- Vibrators are addictive: This has been claimed for a very long time, but no one has yet proven it. Sure, you might get used to having an orgasm in less than an hour and not want to go back, but that’s not addiction. The most successful learn-to-have-an-orgasm programs use vibrators as the starting point and most women go on to have orgasms without a vibrator. If vibrators were addictive this would not be possible.
- Vibrators desensitise a woman: Also claimed and not proven. One study did find a minority of women sometimes felt minor numbness after using a vibrator, but it was a very short term thing.
- Your husband will feel cheated or replaced: I’m a husband, and I can’t imagine having a problem with a tool that makes it easier for me to pleasure my wife or possible to pleasure her more.
- Sex should be between a man and a woman only: I have no use for items that are moulded from real people, nor do I think any item needs to look realistic. But really? Where do we draw the line? Is lingerie wrong? Is using a lubricant unacceptable? This is pretty much the same reasoning used by those who think oral sex, or even manual sex, are wrong.
- Sex toys support the porn industry or are popular because of porn: You can probably find links to sex toys on many porn sites, but toys are made and sold by others and are a minor source of income for those who produce and sell porn. As for porn being the reason people want sex toys, we have found sex toys that are thousands of years old.
- My friend told me she…: Yeah, there are all kinds of people who claim all kinds of things. I’d counter all of this with the women who say they would have stopped having sex, or would be having it without pleasure if it were not for sex toys.
I’m not suggesting everyone should use sex toys. If your sex life it good without toys and you have no interest in them, great. If toys have made sex better or easier for you, good for you. If you occasionally use a sex toy because it’s fun, go for it. If you want to try them but worry about what someone might think, get something and keep it out of sight. What you and your husband do in your marriage bed is no one else’s business!
If you want a safe place to look at or buy sex toys, I highly recommend Covenant Spice. I don’t highly recommend it because we’re an affiliate, we’re an affiliate because we feel we can highly recommend it.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I know any tool can be used for good or bad.
What Do You Think? This week’s TMB survey asks Are Sex Toys Okay?