Modesty and Your Daughters
A man talking to women about modesty – don’t you hate it? And, honestly, I get it. I used to write
a lot far too much about modesty, and it was heavily driven by my own sexual frustration and influenced by my struggle with lust. Now I’m no longer sexually frustrated and I have a handle on lust, so hopefully this will be a kinder, saner rant. Besides, this is about your daughters, not you.
What your daughter wears should not affect how much sexual pressure she receives, and it should not change her risk of forced sex. But sadly, how she dresses does affect both of these things. For adult women, the effect is small; for teens and college-age women it has a huge effect.
I recall in high school how all the boys told each other that girls who dressed immodestly “wanted it” or “were easy”. I don’t know how much we convinced each other this was true and how much we pretended it was true because we wanted it to be, but we all treated it as a fact. What a girl wore on a date greatly influenced how much and how hard a guy would push her for sex. It’s as if each “immodesty point” we gave a girl negated one “no” from her. I wasn’t personally acquainted with this because I had this strange desire to be in a loving relationship before I got sexual with a gal, but I did take revealing attire as permission to
As much as I hate it, this is a reality, and it’s a reality that could hurt your daughter. What makes this difficult is you and your daughter see the way she dresses with a female mind. For men, it’s far more than what’s showing. Colour, pattern, type of material, type and location of fasteners, and many other things go into how sexual clothing seems to a guy. But your husband sees with a male mind and he can help. If you want him to explain why one outfit is more sexual than another he may not be able to do so. But if you ask him to rate outfits as mild, moderate, or sexy, he should be able to do so. And, yes, your daughter will hate it and fight it. But it is possible to be pretty and feminine without sending “I want you to do me” signals to all the guys.
What about the boys?: Of course, they have a responsibility in this. Unfortunately, most boy’s parents don’t make any effort to educate them, meaning there are a lot of predators wanting to date your daughter. If you have son(s), please do all you can to keep them from being this way. Dad certainly has a part to play, but I think mom can do more. Help your son(s) understand how women and girls think and why they do what they do. Teach your boys those half naked girls have no idea how naked they are or how much it affects guys.
~ Paul – I’m XY, and I don’t want your daughters to face sexual pressure.