Do You Ask For What Feels Good?

Something I commonly hear from men is they have no idea how to arouse or pleasure their wife. Her body is a mystery and they can’t buy a clue to save their life. He may just charge ahead like he knows what to do, but odds are your guy would like some help. 

Do You Ask For What Feels Good?

In my TGH post for last Saturday – Every Woman’s Sexuality is Unique – I explained that women’s bodies are all different when it comes to sex. The size and location of the clitoris can vary a great deal and the percentage of the sexual nerves to various locations also varies from woman to woman. This means no book can tell a man how to make sex good for his wife. It also means previous experience with other women can be more hindrance than a help. 

You are the authority on your body and your sexuality, and your husband needs you to help him learn how to rock your world. That said, you may not know how to advise him. Some women don’t have a good understanding of their sexuality or of what feels good. In part, this is because women have read and heard all the wrong ideas about female sexuality and tried to fit into those things. Some of what you’ve heard is wrong for women in general, while other things work for some women but not for you. Another issue here is that teenage girls generally feel far more guilt and shame about their sexuality than boys. This limits their self-exploration and keeps them from speaking up if they fool around with a clumsy, clueless guy. It’s common for girls and young women to assume what a guy is doing is supposed to feel good and blame themselves for not enjoying it. This also happens in marriage, with women putting up with things that are anywhere from annoying to painful because they think it should feel good.

If you want a better sex life, you must work to educate your husband about your unique sexuality. To do that you will need to understand your sexuality yourself. My suggestion is to assume much of what you think is less than accurate for you. If something feels good, go with it. If something does nothing for you, accept that as part of your reality. If you have a fleeting thought that _____ might be fun or feel good, don’t reject it. Unless it’s sin, consider it something that could make sex better for both you and your hubby.

I hear from some women their husband won’t listen when they try to help him make sex better. While such men do exist, they’re not the norm. Most men want their wife to be into sex, and making it better for her is a good way to do that. Get your husband on board by explaining why you have not spoken up. My TGH post might help you show him how complex female sexuality is. 

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I want sex to be amazing for my lady!

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7 Comments on “Do You Ask For What Feels Good?

  1. I think I can sum up my thoughts on this article with this short sentence: Women are very strange.

  2. My big question is how.

    We are way better with talking than we used to be, but still, it’s always taken personally. To me, sex is a thing by itself. To him, it’s him.

    Please don’t be offended, Guys, but women joke about this. It all boils down to he says he wants to know – and the talk will be fine as long as you don’t talk about him, what he’s doing or not doing, tell him your not enjoying ______ that he loves, or talk about sex at all.

    I won’t bring stuff up any more. My husband has taught me thoroughly that he says, “Tell me how to make it better.” But he means, “Tell me what a stud I am and how wild I drive you.” Anything else just guts him no matter how soft, careful or kind I try to be. I once told him that our kisses were a tiny bit too wet for me. He didn’t kiss for two months and to this day, nearly ten years later he still apologizes when he kisses me, saying, “I know you hate how I kiss you.” Nothing I say will convince him otherwise.

    • @Madeline12 – I hope most men are not as you say. It certainly is not what I hear from men. What I hear is she is unable or unwilling to give any clear information.
      If a guy has a lot of fear or pride bound to this, it’s going to be difficult at best to help him My suggested approach would be “My sexuality is a puzzle, and I am trying to get better at giving clues.”
      Paul Byerly recently posted…Shake It Off (Unless It’s God)My Profile

  3. Some women’s ‘unique sexuality’ or ‘rock your world’ has nothing to do with physical pleasure.

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