Christians have what is almost a mantra about the effects of porn. I suspect this mantra has never been overly in line with facts, and it seems to be diverging from facts more all the time. Of course, many in the world also have a different mantra about porn, and it has no more to do with facts than the Christian version. Both sides are steeped in confirmation bias, making too much of things that support what they want the truth to be while ignoring or taking pot shots at things that disagree with their desired reality.

Next week I will say some things that may not sit well with some Christians. Today I want to address the other side, specifically the idea that porn can be harmless or even beneficial to a marriage. 

There are plenty of self-proclaimed sexperts, and some with letters after their names, who claim porn is only harmful when people think it’s wrong or have a poor sexual self-image. These folks cite studies that show couples who add porn to their sex lives have more sex, or enjoy it more, or have fewer problems with female arousal or male erectile difficulties. Yes, they pick and choose their studies, but there are well-done studies that do say these things. The failure of these studies is they’re a snapshot, not a long-term view.

If you started to take a performance enhancing drug, you would show improvements. Be it physical or mental performance, drugs do allow people to “do better”. But there’s more to it. Taken long term most performance enhancing drugs do rude things to people’s minds, bodies, or both. This is especially true when getting the same effect requires steadily increasing the dose. Porn is the same way – the initial “benefits” are real, but they are only part of the story. The longer porn is used, the more “side effects” a couple will see. There’s also the possibility getting the same benefit will require more porn, or “stronger porn”, and this makes things worse even faster.

Want to read more?: I have long been a fan of Drs. John & Julie Gottman. My one concern was they used to suggest porn as a tool for helping some couples. Last year they posted An Open Letter on Porn, which they concluded by saying “…we are led to unconditionally conclude that for many reasons, pornography poses a serious threat to couple intimacy and relationship harmony.“

By the way: I am posting this to coincide with the release of Fifty Shades Darker. My brilliant wife wrote an excellent great post about that issue.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and my wife is the only naked woman I want in my head!

This Week’s Survey: How do you feel about “ravished” sex?  

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