Escaping, Ignoring, and Medicating
Tomorrow over on The Generous Husband, I’m discussing this issue with the gentlemen. But this isn’t just a guy thing, women do it too. A bit differently perhaps, but with the same marriage hurting/killing consequences.
Marriages aren’t static things. I’ve often suggested marriage is like going up the down escalator – if you’re standing still you’re going down! When we withdraw from our marriage things get worse.
One of the big ways women do this is social media. Now I’m all over social media, so I’m not going to tell you it’s wrong. But like everything else, it can be done to an extreme, and that causes problems. I talked to a husband who was regularly waking up in the middle of the night and finding his wife was not in bed. He quickly learned he would find her at the computer doing email and facebook. While looking at facebook isn’t a sin, the effect she was having on her marriage was very much like a man getting up in the middle of the night to look at porn. Both are looking for an escape and both are abandoning their spouse in the process.
Another common escape for women is reading, usually fiction. I’m all for reading, but when it becomes your life something is wrong. The books need not be “mommy porn” or something wrong or questionable for this to be a problem.
Of course, the thing we do to escape or medicate isn’t the problem. The problem is why we feel the need to escape/medicate. If we end the activity without dealing with the underlying need we’ll just find another way to ignore the real world. The solution is to find (or admit) the underlying problem and deal with it.
(And yes, my husband ignores me might be one of the underlying problems.)
~ Paul – I’m XY , and I wish I could read half as fast as my wife!